Meet Kunle (Not real names)
Kunle was in Part 5 while I was in Part 2. I got to the department that morning and saw final year students were having a class. I walked past the corridor and that was where I spotted him. Tall, lanky and not the average handsome guy. The first thought that came to my mind was why he was by the passage while his mates were in class. I dismissed the thought immediately, afterall it was none of my business.
Few weeks later, I met him around the department and without wasting time, he said he’s being noticing me around the department. According to him, he got attracted to my slim figure and he couldn’t resist talking to me. Anyway, he asked me for a relationship for which I disagreed instantly. My reasons were, One he was ugly (Lord, I am sorry. I shouldn’t call anyone ugly, but he was.) and two, there was just something quite appalling about him. I think it was the fact that he did not seem to take his studies seriously. I did not like that. I had a reputation of been one of the serious students in class who would always be punctual to class, never miss tests and would always read my notes prior to the next class. I did not bother praying about this guy. I logically reasoned that my heavenly father would not give me a guy who did not appear serious with his academics. ‘Didn’t the Bible say whatever your hands findeth to do, should be done with all thy might?’
I was going to the department on another day when I walked past his class again, this time they were writing a test. I looked through and saw Kunle spying into another’s work. Good God! So Kunle could not even sit for a mere exam? Anyway, that ended everything. I couldn’t imagine dating a guy who lacked simple morals to face a mere examination. That was it! I saw him no more and I disallowed him anywhere around me. I acted this way because among his friends because rumors had it that he has found me as his next fish. He had a bad reputation of hitting on girls, particularly lower levels.
Exactly three years later, Kunle was back. Ha! At this time, he was out of school and I was in my final year. He came to write his professional examinations and needed our usual BESMM manual which I had. At this time, I had grown much smarter and wiser. Asides that I was now in a relationship, I knew that nothing was going change my mind. He told me how he still has feelings for me and it took him 3 years to know for certain it is me he wants. Anyway, I told him I was now dating somebody and I have no intentions to double date. He rebuffed me by saying afterall the guy hadn’t put a ring on my finger. Oh really? Should that be a valid reason to date you, Uncle? Well, he just proved to me again that his values were questionable and I had no intention of having a guy who thought it was okay to double date. I told him the ‘no’ I gave him three years ago remains the same. To further impress me, Kunle would buy gifts for me but I would reject them all. I was never trained to collect gifts from men whom I had nothing to do with them. That was the end. I think he realized what precious time of his he was wasting realizing that he could get any girl he wanted. Cabish brother! You move ahead! I would not be your prey. Thank you!
Today: Kunle is married with a daughter. I sometimes imagine the emotional stress and trauma the young wife would be going through considering that Kunle is still has promiscuous as ever. I hear he has stepped up his game to a another level. I know this because we work in the same industry. Talks fly around of his dirty escapades and how he runs about with anything under skirt. Woman, I dont envy you! Carry your cross!
If I gotten married to him: I knew I would constantly be worried-sick about his numerous women he would be tied to. He would never give me peace of mind. Kunle would chase everything in skirt, trousers, tops and wrappers. Unfortunately, been married to a man like that often lives women battered and shattered…even leaves some dead. Sad!
Lesson learnt from Kunle: As bad as he still remains, Kunle was that first guy who made me realize that there are men who truly and indeed are attracted to slim ladies. It gave me some sort of confidence in my life’s journey. Yeah! That’s true. I used to wonder who the hell on earth would like a lady as slim as me?
Meet Bimbo (not real names).
Bimbo was more like a big brother when I met him. He was about seven years older than me. No, I lie. He was five years older than me. I was in predegree while he was already graduated but remained in school to do some personal stuff. Bimbo was a great guy, a super guy. One of those men who were just good and simple. He had a good sense of humor and was very intelligent. Bimbo knew answers to all of life’s problems and could confidently hold a conversation with anybody. We clicked instantly and we shared things deeply. He was also a very brilliant guy who loved God deeply. I liked that Bimbo took his time to understand me. He knew that I would hardly give my opinions in a social gathering thus he always encouraged me to speak out even though I may be thought to be stupid. He was that guy who would always protect me. He would ensure I am safe and never keep bad friends. He would always reach out for me and would always give his ears to listen. Bimbo knew that I may never talk until I am asked questions; hence he would go all out to ask me questions. That way, we became very close. He also taught me very tough modules. The calculative ones which my head never understood. Bimbo held that special place in my heart.
Months passed and we became really close to the extent that siblings knew him and they loved him. My parents too. He became a friend of the family and they called him the nickname I gave him.
About a year later, I started developing feelings for this ‘big brother’. I wrote every of my feelings for him in my journal and never spoke to anyone about it. My journal was my comfort zone where I shared without shame or judgement. He was everything I wanted in a man. He was the yardstick I used to judge other men. If others were not like Bimbo, then they were just not good enough. I think Bimbo knew I had feelings for him but we still became close. He would ask me to write poems for him which I did effortlessly. He, in turn would so same for me. He spoke my love language (words of affirmation) effortlessly. He would always put my best interest at heart. He was that special.
Soon Bimbo went for NYSC. I missed him so much because I no longer saw him in school but we maintained contacts and never was there a night we did not talk or jist (the days of extra cool). I missed him because he was no longer available to teach me the difficult modules. In my year one, I had a resit of one of my deadliest modules: phy 101 because Bimbo was no longer there to teach me. I remember crying to him over the phone about the module to him. Bimbo empathized with me but also told me that I would have to begin to live without him, grow up and face life’s challenges. In spite of this, we still remained close contacts. In one of those nights we talked and shared, Bimbo told me something. He told me he was caught in-between two ladies. One of them, whom he referred to as A, was a beautiful young lady who was attracted to him but he felt nothing for her. B, on the hand was a young lady, way younger than him. He was contemplating telling her about his feelings for her, but felt that it may ruin the friendship they had built over time. He asked me what I thought he should do. Knowing B was me and feeling too shy to express my feelings, I just told him to do never mentioned anything similar again until…
Anyway, because of my preconceived idea knowing that lady A existed somewhere, I felt extremely bad. Soon after, I started noticing a lady hitting on Bimbo. I thought her to be lady A. I wondered where she came from and when it started. I cried several nights knowing that Bimbo may never ask me out again because of lady A. Two incidents happened that made me think he was actually gone forever. He was serving in the north and had called me he was coming to see me in my school, it was a night journey. I waited with a friend till the wee hours of the morning until I slept off waiting. When he called the following morning, he told me he had gone to a lady’s house, B, since the public bus dropped him off just right in front of her house. Secondly, he took my friend and I out and while we were ordering for our food, he got a take-away pack for another lady, when I asked, he told me it was for her. Oh my! Jealousy was written all over my face. Bimbo would never ask you out again, just move on or face your studies.
To further deepen my pain, Bimbo got married in my year two. To say I saw downcasted was an understatement. I tore everything I had written in my journal about him and discontinued writing about him! I burned the journal and consciously put an end to the feelings I had for him. I remember I chose not to attend his wedding but I was pleaded to by his friends who were my friends too (all big brothers). I wished I was the lady he was getting married to. After the wedding that day, I realized that was the end. Bimbo was now married. There is no point waiting for him to come around. He is not one I know to cheat on his woman and even though he has feelings for me; he had made his choice and his choice wasn’t me. And so, I just moved on. I cut all contacts with him and concentrated on my studies.
Few years later, we reconnected back and did all the catching up. To say the truth, it was nice to hear from him and jist with him again. He had relocated from the north and lived in the south. I was also in a relationship. Along the line, I got curious and decided to ask him who those two ladies were. If I remember correctly, he never told me the names of those ladies. To my surprise, Bimbo told me that the woman he got married to was not lady B has I had initially thought. So who was lady B? He mentioned her name and I remembered her. True to his words, there was a lady who would always come around to check on him. I did not even give her any notice. Then the bombshell dropped, he told me lady B was me! I asked why he never got the courage to ask me out considering that I felt the same way. He responded that he was scared and did not want to loose the friendship we shared. He told me that for several years when we lost touch, he couldn’t get his mind of me. He would mention my names often to his wife and kept letters of me until he relocated and burned them. He said thoughts of me were affecting his marriage and his wife became jealous about it. But with his reassurance, everything became fine with her.
Anyway, at the end of the whole discussion, we both realized that God had blessed us with good partners.
Today: Bimbo is married with three kids and I maintain close relationship with his family including his wife. I met his wife for the second time some few years ago and she hugged me and teased me. She said my name gave her sleepless nights in her home. I apologized genuinely for that. He is a good man and she is blessed to have a man as him. They both make me believe that good marriages exist.
If I had gotten married to him: I tell my sisters that if I had gotten married to him, I would have gotten married before all of them been that he was always one who desired to settle down early (he got married in his mid-twenties), (My eldest sister would always give me that ‘you must be drunk’ look, lol!). Okay, well, maybe after my first degree. I am on the third and not married yet, Ahhhaha, you see life? I think it would have been a good marriage, nothing beyond the usually differences that couples face which I am certain we would be able to work through it together.
Lessons he taught me: He made me know that that there are still good men in existence. Men who are sexually pure. He got married as a virgin and he remains faithful to his wife of his youth. He does everything to make his marriage work. This myth “that there is only one man made for us on earth” was debunked through my interaction with Bimbo. Honestly with the way I loved him then, I never thought I could find another man whom I would love this much.
Finally, let’s meet Shola (Not real names)
I also met Shola in part One, I think. He was in part two. Shola became a friend instantly. I was attracted to him because he could paint and draw so well. Morally, asides that he did not see the need to attend any church, he was alright. Physically, he was not tall, but he was quite handsome and had this accent that always sounded so sweet in my ears. Shola asked for a relationship immediately we had established friendship. But, I did not just like the idea that he wasn’t into church. Asides that, he told me he did not believe in God. No! Dont get me wrong o. I am not a religious person myself but I do have a good relationship with Jesus Christ. His kind of person did not go down well with me and top of them all, I had no romantic feelings whatsoever for Shola.
The following year saw Shola asking me out intensely. This time he would call me so much that his calls became irritating. He would come to my room and I would intentionally not open the door for him. He would meet me up in the department and I would either shun him or embarrass him. I resorted to public embarrassments a few times because he would not leave me alone. “Don’t come to my apartment because I would not open the door for you and when you see me in public, don’t greet me, because I would not look at you!”, I barked. Shola would not listen, he would do all these and more. Once, he drew an art of me. I loved it but I could not accept it because it would mean giving him ‘green light’. Anyway, I prayed about the intense pressure because I was not enjoying it. Somehow, God heard me and I heard from Shola no more.
Over the next two/three years after we reconnected back, Shola invited me for his graduation party . I gave my condition for a comeback-friendship as no more pestering), we reconnected and maintained casual friendships. I went with a friend because I did not trust him. At the party, immediately, I was introduced, there were lots of talks about how Shola was so interested in me but for some reason I would not budge. One of his female friends whom I remain close friends with till date said she had told him to stop bothering me because she knew from the onset that I was not just playing hard to get. She must have been a soothsayer, lol! They all asked me why I never gave their friend an answer and told me of how sick he was in the subsequent years after my harsh treatment towards him. I laughed it off, afterall 3 years was a long time to start bringing up such stale jist. I was in a relationship now.
Subsequent years saw Shola and I getting closer. There was nothing to this. He knew my bobo and he told me about himself. Shola would come visit me in my aunt’s when I was serving, (NYSC). He was a great company and I enjoyed hosting him. I used to wonder why I acted so harsh towards him. I think I did not just like the pressure I was put under. My no is always no. I am not one to play hard to get. If I am unsure of your intentions, I would rather tell you to give me some time. Finisho!
Anyway, Shola got into relationships with different ladies but he couldn’t sustain them because according to him, it was me he still loved. I told him to get over me because I still had no feelings for him and I was with my own man. Shola is a good guy. At some point, he told me that he was really going to cut off friendship with me because he was constantly using me as a yardstick for his other relationships and he did not want that to ruin the chances of meeting his own woman. I understood and I let him be. However, sometime later, he reconnected back and told me he is now with a lady whom he loves deeply. I was happy for him because I truly desired to see him love another lady. This time, he had met Jesus and was now attending church. I loved that especially because that would be an asset for his Marriage. But shortly after, the lady misbehaved and he was back again single. I counselled him, telling him that he would meet another lady whom he would love again. This time, he was already in his thirties and told me he was facing intense pressure of settling down from his folks. He had a good job but did not seem to be lucky with ladies. Oh my! All my life, I had always thought that women were the ones bitten by the pressure bug.
One night while we were talking, Shola proposed to me. Hehehehhe, I had never been proposed to and I looked forward to that from the guy I was dating not from Shola. I told him that there was no way I would accept his proposal because I am with somebody I love deeply. He asked me who came earlier for my hand in a relationship, I told him he was the one (because he came when I was in part 2), my current bobo came in part three. I got to know that while I thought Shola was putting me under pressure, he was only trying to make me feel loved. By putting me under pressure, you mean? Too bad! Unfortunately, that’s where some men go wrong. Unlike Bimbo who spoke my love language effortlessly, Shola was doing a good thing in a wrong way. Perhaps, I may have developed feelings for him should he have spoken my love language.
Anyway, been the gentle guy he is, Shola did not press me further. He understood and he told me he wished I was not hooked. Too bad, I said. I used to joke with his feelings a lot. We continued been friends and I counselled him when I could. I prayed deeply for him. I prayed that God will not just bring a good woman to him, but give him a woman whom he will love too much to forget me. God did. God answered. Shola told me about 6 months later that he has found this delectable woman at one of the training in his work place. They were getting married before the end of that year! To say I was happy was an understatement. The way his eyes were lit when he told me he had proposed, I knew that God had answered my prayers.
Today: Shola and I still remain close friends. I maintain casual friendships with his wife. Conversations with him remains casual. He is given birth to a set of twin girls whom he adores so much. I still tease him a lot when he would tell me ‘Omoby, I just want to get married! I am not getting young o! I want to get married! Ahahahahahaha’. He thanks me for always telling him that he would meet another woman whom he loves. The way he loves her ehn, you would never believe he had any iota of feeling for me o.
If I had gotten married to him: Shola would be everything a good man would be. He would treat me right. He would love me deeply, BUT, I would never grow to love him. He would do everything for me to earn his love. Eventually, because he is a human being also deserving of love from his woman, he would get fed-up, either become depressed or seek love elsewhere. I love him too much as a friend to do that to him.
Lesson I learnt from Shola: Should you discover that you don’t love a man enough to start a romantic relationship with him, it is not a crime to let him go. You would be giving him the opportunity to meet another lady who would love him as much and giving yourself the chance to meet a man whom you would love too. Marriage is such a big deal you dont want to second guess with your own happiness o. Okay, let’s say this was a lesson Shola told me I taught him. For me, I would say, know what you want. Dont settle for a man whom you KNOW you have no feelings for in the hope that you would love him later.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Omoby, 2016.