Several years ago, when I used to struggle with some silly things, I would hide them away from God. I would be so ashamed to tell it to Him. For days running to weeks, I would not speak to Him. I would brush Him aside when thoughts of Him flash through my mind. ‘I feel too ashamed to even look at you Lord, when I feel better, I would come back to you’. I would intentionally blank my mind against thinking about Him.
Like a loving father only looking out for the best in his daughter, I would hear Him say to me. Deep, deep down my heart, ‘Omoby, I am here, always here, whenever you are ready’.
Over the years and through my personal walk with God, I have realized that God does love me and I am no longer ashamed to tell Him when I hurt. I am no longer ashamed to tell Him when I feel jealous about somebody or something. I am not saying this should be a license to continue in bad deeds, but I am saying that I do not feel ashamed to run to my Heavenly Father when I flaw. He knows them already anyway. He knows I am really weak and I daily lean on His grace and strength.
Here is my point. Do not get that place in your life where you would be ashamed to turn to God regardless of what you have done. Note my words, REGARDLESS. He knows them already and He only wants the best for you. And if you are already at that place where you feel too ashamed to go to Him, I want you to know that God is concerned about you. He wants you back. Like He told me, He will always be waiting for you..
Your sins may look unpardonable with men, you may have even gotten to that point where you hate yourself and feel outrightly condemned, but God doesn’t think that way. He wants you to come to him with a contrite heart. Tell it all to him. Tell your feelings to Him. Expose it all to Him. He knows them already and the good part is that He wouldn’t use them against you. Experience the peace that comes with knowing that you’ve got somebody who always has your best interest at heart.
This has given the confidence to forge through life. Knowing I have a Father who loves me unconditionally and personally. I do hope that you would know how much Gd loves you and you would never ever run away from Him.
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