When a friend asked me how I have been able to come to terms with my slim figure, I did share my story with her. But as I did, I remembered a particular incidence that happened to me in secondary school.
You see, as a teenager, up till my early twenties, I never liked my stature. I just thought I was too thin, with little or no bum. My thighs were not fat. I admired friends in school who had the boobs and bum. You know the way girls’ bum swerves and shakes under their skirts. I wished for one day mine would act same.
So this day, I decided to help myself. Atleast, if you don’t have it. Pretend that you have it. That morning, before going for the morning assembly, I decided to add clothes-pad under my skirt to make my bum look bigger. I folded the clothes neatly and put them in. My panties were tight enough and could hold them firmly, I thought. It felt good. I felt good. Isn’t this the way every girl was supposed to look? Appealing? Attractive?
As we finished morning assembly and as I was about to walk to my class with two friends, I heard it. Paaaaapaappapapapappa. The fall of the clothes-pad all scattered all over my legs, one after the other! As I tried to hold the clothes, it was as if they were on riot. One after the other, they scattered and fell on my legs. Everything I had padded inside my pants were now on the fall…to the full glee of everyone! Few minutes ago, I was feeling good with myself, cat walking and deliberately trying to catch the eyes of those boys who used to ignore me especially Deji. (Deji was the one who made it known to me that I was ugly and that no boy would find me attractive). The next minute, I was enclosed in embarrassment and shame. A mixture of shock and disbelief. A spillway of disgrace and sadness enveloped me instantly.
The two friends beside me, who now had turned back to check what had startled me burst into shock and disbelief. One of them said, ‘Omoby, did you actually put those inside your pants? You are pathetic! You can never be fat o! You are just so stupid! Do you think you can have my kind of bum?’ I remembered that Lolade was one of the lousiest girls in school. She had no chill whatsoever for what just happened. She mocked me carelessly and intentionally. As she ridiculed me, Ronke walked up to me, picked the clothes-pad and handed it back to me. ‘Omoby, let’s go. Everyone is laughing and looking at you.’
If death were near, I would have called him to come take me home. My eyes welled up with tears. Hot bloody tears., I only wanted to look bigger. I just wanted to feel good. This is not my first time; why did this to me. I collected the clothes-pad from Ronke and walked silently beside her. Her arms on my shoulders gave were soft and warm. It gave me the necessary comfort as I walked past the assembly ground to my class.
For the next few weeks in school, I was the talk of school. Everybody made snide remarks about me. The experience further reinforced more hate among other students in class. Most times, I consciously shot my mind to such remarks.
Guess what? This experience did not teach me any lesson as I still found other ways to attach pad under my clothes.
And so today the 23rd of August as I reminiscence about at my life and how far I have come, I attest that I have come a long way. Oh no! Omoby has become better. If nobody knows this, my bobo is one person who has been at the fore-front of my low self-esteem moments. How did I get to that point where I am now comfortable with myself? How long did it take me? These are questions I am often asked and which I have shared on my blog.
I look back at how far and well I have come and realize it was a journey, my own journey of self discovery and self exploration. It was not a journey I woke up to overnight. I came to that point where I realized that believing the worst about me was not helping me at all…and I needed to do something about it. Days were going. I would not live on earth forever and if I spend the best part of my youth wishing I were someone else, wishing I were fatter, what time left do I have to do the things God has called me to do?
How was I going to live my life now if I thought I was not good enough?? I made a decision that has not only changed my life but has helped me live my best life now.
I want you to know that low self esteem can negatively affect virtually every facet of your life: including your relationships, your job and your health. How did I come to that place of self acceptance? It is possible to learn to accept one’s body? These are the questions I am often asked. Join me as I share with you practical steps that helped me. I hope it would help you too.
Practise Positive affirmations.
The way that you think about yourself has a huge influence on your self-esteem. If you keep telling yourself that you’re no good, you might just start to believe it even though it’s not the truth. If you keep thinking you are too slim, you would begin to feel not good enough, not able enough and not capable enough, unqualified, incompetent and which would cause you to withdraw among social gatherings and with your own-self too.Thus self destructive attitude often leads to depression among young people.
Truth is, whatever your size or shape, you are still not the most terrible around. I challenge you to embrace your figure. Its who you are. You can be comfortable in your own skin. Say stuffs like…’I am just the best that I can be!. I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself and I am proud of myself. I am not going to feel bad or inferior. I have my confidence intact. I am me. I am slim. I am beautiful. I am awesome. God loves varieties and He made me slim. He thinks me perfect and that is just who I am. I am perfect’.
Joel Osteen’s words resonates within me. He said in one of his messages. Many of you dont like your legs, your arms, your waist, your eyes or your nose. But would you be willing to sell just one of your legs for a hundred billion pounds? Now, think about it. Take a deep breadth and really think about it. I am talking about £100, 000, 000, 000, 000. 00. Think about what this money can do for you till your fourth generations! Would you be willing to give away your arm or leg for such amount. This tells me that one part of your body is actually worth more than a hundred billion pounds.
Consciously practise this positive self-talk. I must emphasize that all these would not change your mood or change your mindset about yourself overnight, but as you daily thrive to ensure that your thoughts are positive towards yourself, you would begin to come in terms with your figure, your person, your face, your legs and other physical features you have got. Coming in terms with your figure also makes you brighter and happier. Have you met somebody who is so slim (or so fat) yet oozes this self confidence and aura around? This is what happens. Bold and happy people often those who have comes to terms with who they are.
I had and still have a book where I kept positive affirmations. Everyday or as often as I remember, I spoke those words to myself. I did not feel good about myself immediately but I spoke them until I believed them. I challenge you to do the same as well.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Oh my! I am sure you have read my posts of how I used to compare myself with other people especially a particular friend. If no, do read it here: Accepting Yourself
I had friends who seemed better than me. But that was not true, I was only comparing their strengthens with my weakness. I was blind to my own strengths. I realized that I was not getting any better with comparisons. I am different in my own way. I had stuffs about me that looked great as well. I was not that bad afterall. I could write, paint and draw so well. I have a brilliant and analystical mind that can proffer solutions to immediate problems. I am wise and I am a faithful friend. Honestly, It can really tempting measuring our own worth against other people. So what if your friend has the great figure you just admire. You just have to figure out that you are not bad yourself. Though you may slim, you are healthy. You are fit. You are not ill. You are pretty. Focus on what your niche is. Everyone is great at something – what are your strengths? Find them and explore them.
3. Accept yourself for who you are.
Accept your flaws and mistakes. Accept that you are slim (or fat) and perhaps the tiniest around. Accept that you are not fat and may never be fat. Accept that you look younger than your age. Accept it and brace up for negative talks especially those who wanna wash you down about your stature.
Accept your flaws and mistakes. Accept everything about you. This is where I have gotten to. I have accepted that I would and may never be fat. I have accepted that I am slim, with little boobs, little bum, slim legs, slim arms, tiny feet, slim waist, small lips, small eyes, small nose…etc everything, I have accepted them all! When you get this point, you will get to embrace yourself and care less about negative talks.
Sometimes, I get to feel bad seeing others curvier than me, but I have come to terms with accepting my figure and my body. I am a size 6. Not 8, not 4. I look at my naked self in the mirror and smile. I look at the shape of my boobs and bum and declare body that I am comfortable in my own skin. I say things like, ‘Omoby, aren’t you pretty?’ ‘Wow! You are stunning! You are beautiful!’ ‘See you! Your skin is flawless. You are dark and gorgeous!’Gradually with positive confirmations about my body, I came to terms with my body.
4. Wear clothes that accelerate your figure.
I remember when I started wearing slim clothes, having burned and given out all the oversize clothes. A friend looked at me and said I was looking skinny. I guess because of his religious and conservative views, he had this opinion about my change of clothes. What he did not understand was that I now felt comfortable in my own skin and that boosted my self esteem. Another friend admitted that I appeared better and he did not like slim ladies, but seeing the way I accelerated my figure, he was tempted to admire my looks.
Before this time, I did not think cloth makers made clothes for slim people. I would always feel bad slimming clothes and all. After all the slim-fit, of course because the clothes were not originally made for small sizes, they would look awkward. However, when I travelled to England for my second degree, I was shocked that majority of the clothes there were for slim people. For the first time in my life, I saw clothes in size 4, 6 and 8. Oh my! I remember how good I felt with myself when I wore a lovely size 6 dress. I felt so sexy. I am not talking about been sexually appealing, but talking about looking good and feeling good in your own skin. I realized that wearing the clothes that suits your size helps to boost your self esteem. Right now, if its not size 6, I dont wear. I only look for size 6 clothes.
Secondly, even when I have to sew, I emphasize that the clothes must be to my size. I dont wear big clothes or over-size clothes anymore. I just like that a 6 yard material can have me sew more than a style for my kind of stature.
NB: I am not sure if I would eventually get fatter someday but while I wait, I am committed to living my best life now! I am not going to waste any moment wishing I was fatter or wishing to be like someone else. I am committed to accelerating my physical features whilst improving on myself.
If you would would like to share your story with me, do send me a mail on firstname.lastname@example.org
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Omoby, 2016.