Ever felt some frangs of jealousy?

A few weeks ago, I was on LinkedIn. I was going through people’s profiles and was impressed with everyone’s achievements. As I searched and searched, clicking on known and unknown persons, I was thrilled and amazed with everyone celebrating their wins.

However, beyond this excitement, I noticed I had an unsettling lump in my throat. I paid attention to it and found out I was a little comfortable and started questioning my abilities. I was asking if I could ever be as smart as the people’s whose profile I read, why I never graduated with a first class…why I had never started my career in a multinational…on and on and on I went.

As I drown in this thoughts, I realized that I was comparing myself with other people and I was not grateful for my own wins. I had forgotten that I had achieved feats too in my career and in my personal life. I immediately had to consciously switch my thoughts and be thankful for my wins whilst celebrating others. Some of us have this kind of feelings but we are too ashamed to admit them for the fear of being tagged a witch, a bitter person one who’s not happy for others. I mean, I have read on my newsfeeds about how having jealous feelings is the next class you attend before you become a witch.

I perfectly understand the lesson, but I do think that some of us genuinely struggling with this feelings. We don’t like it, we don’t feel good about them and we want them to go away. We’re not bad people. We’re not witches. We don’t fly at night. We honestly want to rejoice with our friends and neighbors, we love them, but we can’t help think that many things we’re hoping for are happening to them but not to us.

A while ago, somebody shared that she was happy for her friend who was making better grades than her in school but had an unsettling feeling about wanting good grades too. She didn’t hate her friend, she was just a little jealous about her. Not the kind that wants to kill, but the kind that also wants good things happening for her too.I told her I could relate. Here are some of the examples I gave her.

1. Several months ago, while I was still dealing with the pains of miscarriage, a friend had called me to say she was pregnant and didn’t exactly plan for the baby. My first feeling was jealousy. I was jealous that she didn’t need a baby while we were here desiring one and didn’t have. She noticed my silence and because she’s is an amazing person she said “Omoby, you don’t seem to be happy for me”. She did not say this to ruin me or make me feel less of myself, she said this without a hint of accusation. She didn’t sound hurt or angry, righteous, or victimized. She said it as if it were a neutral observation.

In the moment she said it, I began to realize she was right. But her words hit me more as I got home. It became crystal clear: if I’ve gotten to the point where I couldn’t be happy for my friend whom I have come to love, who has something that I also desire, it means I wouldn’t go far in life. I had only just been cultivating my own happiness, mourning my loss, but struggling to support and be excited at another’s testimony.

2. When I was in Uni, I had a very close Muslim friend, still do, who was always getting better grades than me. While I made C’s, she made A’s and while I made D’s, she made B’s. I’d become so jealous of her and wonder how she did it. I wished she would just fail. I was almost beginning to start hating her. I didn’t like the feelings but it felt safe to just wish that somehow her grades drop…and when something hard did hit her, she even made better grades that I could ever imagine. Imagine loosing a loved one and making all round A’s in all your modules. Ha! What kind of human being was she? I’d wonder!

3. Years ago, a friend told me she had gotten a job in a very juicy organization and when she told me about it, for months, I’d think of how miserable I was without a job despite a Masters (she had no masters) and mourn and groan. In the heat of my jealousy, I went to apply to the same firm she was working, perhaps I could be lucky as well but I failed even before I could start. I have shared on my wall of how my friends have achieved feats faster than me and how I am always happy for them. Some of you may assume that I’ve never struggled with those jealous feelings. Oh no! I have, but over the years, I’ve worked on them and leant to pay them no attention.

How do I deal with these feelings? Perhaps it could help you too.

I realised that being anything less than happy for others would block my own chances at success and happiness. This is because by ruminating in the idea that I don’t have what someone else has I was simply attracting more of what I was feeling: lack. This boils down to the emotions we have inside of us. Feeling excited for someone else feels good, therefore creates more good things.

I realised as well that frowning at another’s blessings doesn’t feel good therefore can’t create good things. It’s a conscious step I took and walked with.

2. Seeing positive experiences of others has helped me open up to possibilities. For instance, when a friend of mine got a job with a multinational, instead of becoming envious and gloomy, it proved to me that such amazing possibilities were present. When my friend relocated out of Nigeria in 2016, it told me that my relocation dreams were valid and getting a second option can also become my reality. This means that there’s enough good to go round for me, for you, for all of us. We only have to believe so.

3. I remembered that time is a function of everything I desire. My friend’s amazing job, relocating to a new country…and other feats my friends achieved faster than me have now become my reality. You may get things before me…that’s perfectly fine…I would too. This helped me put my thoughts in check.

4. I surrendered my struggles to God. For me, this was the hardest. But I took it all to Him regardless. I feel ashamed telling Him though, but I tried to always remember that He knows them already and He always has my best interest at heart. Its just like avoiding someone who only wishes you well. He has never disappointed me. The feelings did not go overnight, but I knew that since I had confessed it to God, I’d be alright. And I was.

I know we all pride ourselves as being good, lovely and always on top of our game, but there is one subtle part of us that makes us human and weak. Don’t be deceived. Everyone one of us struggles with one thing or the other. Jealousy would plant a one glaring misconception in our minds: who we are isn’t simply enough.

Just like I was looking at other’s LinkedIn profile and thinking I hadn’t done well, I had forgotten that I was doing well in my own path. I had also forgotten that in life, we would always have people behind and ahead of us. We’ve to realize that the hardships we are experiencing isn’t meant to point out our inadequacies, but to create an entirely new life experience that was more fulfilling and more…us.

Being jealous doesn’t make you a witch as popularly opined, it really makes you human. However, this should never be a license to become wicked or covetous.

I hope that just like me you can admit that you’ve these feelings, be open to God about them, or to any trusted friend, refuse to be guilt tripped about these feelings, but recognize that almost everyone of us deals with these feelings from time and time.

In the end, recognize that you’re doing well on your own path. Cease comparing yourself with anyone, and when those stubborn feelings refuse to go away, consciously pray for them. Know that you’re not a witch and let nobody give you that label.


A story of how I have come through…

My high school friend reminded me that I was the one who created the lyrics and composed, the valedictory song of our high school. When I sit down to write the lyrics, and sing (in my head), our song of my graduating year, I recall with smiles on my face and a pride in my heart that my name may forever be written in the sands of time of my school and just like him, wherever all my classmates may be all over the world, I may have made an imprint in their heart – through my writing.

I recall how everything played out that day. Classmates were already aware that I could string words together, so when our music teacher said he wanted us to come up with something original, I raised my hand to try. The outcome was fantastic.Thinking back at this, I realized that I was and is still good with stringing words together and creating good content. However, I spent the best part of my years in high school feeling so timid and insecure. I lacked self assurance and belief in myself. I lived each day being miserable. Why was this?I focused all of my energy on my weaknesses. I was a complete dullard with Chemistry and this affected my self esteem.

My dullness was so thick, and well noticed that I recall the chemistry teacher coming to the exam hall on the day we wrote our final exams boasting that she’s aware that I’d never pass Chemistry. I recall her saying in the presence of everyone when she spotted me, called my name out and said, “Omobolanle Adeyemo. You can never pass Chemistry”. I was not shocked at her words, rather I swallowed it and accepted my fate. Well, she was right. I had a F9 in Chemistry. And I struggled to have credits in the rest of my other science subjects. Secondly, I was and is still thin. And because of this, I felt so miserable. I hardly had the curves that most teenagers had. With a sophisticated school like the one I attended, filled with several rich kids as well as our final year driven by the euphoria of having boyfriends, that heightened my insecurities. I felt I didn’t stand a chance to even be approached for friendship by any guy. I came across a post on Facebook and the question was asked was what was our regret and I mentioned there that I regretted wasting my teenage years and early twenties feeling so insecure because I felt I was thin, a size 6 or even 4.

More misery added to me were those who would constantly harass and made jest of my stature. As I type this, I remember this person who would always mention how thin I was and use me as yardstick for being thin. She’d say, “if a person is not as thin as Omoby, then you’re not yet thin”. This words would kill something inside of me. It would dampen my spirit and make me feel so terrible. At that time, I didn’t know how to dish back the same poison anyone gives me, so I’d suck it up, go and cry in my corner. I also didn’t know at that time that persons like that were only projecting their insecurities on me. During those years, I spent the best time of my life going through life focusing on my weaknesses rather than focusing on my strengths. I wasted time doing this and now I can’t get back those years back, I’m committed to living the rest of my years better.

I wish I focused on the other side, that I could write and even though I was not very smart with Chemistry, Maths and numbers, I am good with words and could string them together. I mean, if after several years, my old friend could remember that I was the one who composed our valedictory song, then I am actually super talented but I had made the mistake only focusing on the things I couldn’t do.I recall also that I had stories written in more than three or four higher educational books, which my classmates would read with many being shocked that I could write so well. I was a pro in poem writing and creating fiction. I recall how many of them would ask me to help them compose letters and poems to their boyfriends and girlfriends and how I would do this effortlessly. Yet, I had completely gone through that phase of life thinking that I was just a complete dullard, and being thin also added to my anguish.

Even though I can not take back the time, as I grow older and go into 2021, I’m now more committed to focusing on my strengths and leaving my weaknesses alone. I am not going to dwell on that. I often say I don’t know book, (with many disbelieving me), but I’m now retracting my statement to say I’m brilliant. I may be an idiot with numbers, but I’m awesome with words. I am incredible with putting content together. I am marvelous with writing epistles.

This is what my hubby always tells me when I admire his intelligence with numbers. “Omoby, you think I’m smart. But you’re intelligent yourself”, he would reassure me. “I can’t string words like you do. You do this effortlessly”.He’s right. A physical proof is my book, ALERO. This book which is over 600 pages in hardcover print is one I effortlessly wrote in three weeks. If I could do this, then I am not bad afterall. It means I’m not a dullard.Also, I may not be a size 10 or 12 like I have always wished, I’m going to be great being a size 6. I’m not going to wish anymore that I were fat. I am going to take pride in my stature. Fortunately unlike with my intelligence for words, I came to accept and love my stature earlier than now coming to accept that numbers is not my forte.

And this is the difference between successful and unsuccessful people. The former focuses all their energy on their strengths while the latter go through life just focusing on their weaknesses.Why am I sharing all of this with you?Please don’t be like me who wasted a tangible time of her young twenties and even mid twenties wishing she were thin.

Don’t be like me who squandered valuable time thinking I wasn’t smart, and who’s is now retracing my statement about not being intelligent thereby underestimating myself all along. Don’t be like me who thought I wasn’t clever because I wasn’t smart in numbers but forgets that with words, I do that effortlessly – including writing here on Facebook. Please focus on your strengths. Do this consciously. The person you admire whom you wish to be like is working hard at their strengths. Don’t compare yourself with anyone. If you do, you’re gonna compare your weaknesses with another’s strengths, making you go through life completely depressed.

Remember, there’s something amazing about you.
Find it and stay there.
Find it and find peace.


September 9, 2019. This date brings to my memory an experience looking back, I stand in awe of God. You know when I share stories of being mocked for being without children, some people think I cook up stories. So, see. This is one. Exactly a year ago on this day, while we were still dealing with the trauma of a miscarriage, trying to settle down in our new jobs and in a new country, the devil laid it in somebody’s heart to remember me. You know how we pray to God that our helpers should remember us ba… this one received an instruction from the devil for me.

This person yielded to their wicked desires and sent me this anonymous message (picture attached), all filled with hate, manipulation and vile. Reading this message again, I am given to believe that this may not exactly be about us being without children, It appears to be some deep seated envy/jealousy of me and my achievements. This person had and felt the only way to demean, mock or spite me was not having a child at that time. They probably wanted to use me to prove some silly points they’ve concorted in their heads about me being in misery, being unhappy, gloat, and make subs about me. I mean, what else could they use to shame me? I get job, I dey obodo oyinbo, I get man wey get sense…na pickin remain.This moron ensured that I read this message (by drawing my attention to it) and waited for me to read the message. The anonymous identity and deliberate attempt to hide the gender, proves it’s a well calculated attempt to hurt me.

A message crafted deliberately for pain. One deliberately carried to hide the identity (and gender too).Just as the sender intended, the message hurt me deeply. This is not something I’d be dishonest about. I doubted my truth and reality. I started to ask if there was something wrong with me. I started to ask if I was really a virgin when I got married or maybe my organs had been destroyed somewhere without my knowledge. I started to ask if I really got pregnant when we did. I questioned God several times. In everything, I am grateful for my sisters, few friends and my husband who held my hands all the way.

I cried buckets of tears. If there’s anything that has hurt me most in my entire existence, it’s this message. I was dealing with the trauma of a miscarriage, feelings of failure and helplessness, and somebody sends me this message. I was almost going mad with hurt. I couldn’t understand it. The only thing in my head that kept me sane was knowing we had been pregnant before – an information this moron was unaware of, and called me barren. For each tear that I shed, I cursed this person over and over again. I cursed this person in my pain and sorrow. I was like Hannah in the Bible who was mocked for being without a child.Hehehheeheh.But look at God o. Just a look at God. Two months after this message was sent, we got pregnant and exactly a year later, God gave us a son. Hahahahaha. Isn’t God good?❤️

To whoever you are: I’m posting this publicly because somehow I think you’ll get to see this. Who are you when God has not spoken? It’s even silly. I don’t understand it. What were you thinking when you sent me this? You forgot people intentionally decide when they wanna have children? What of if I was pregnant at the time you sent this message? Didn’t you think of that? What of if the issues you highlighted had nothing to do with me? But your dark heart and evil intention wouldn’t let you understand all that, neither would you realise that in a split second, God can turn things around for anyone. It just took my father a year. Nothing is indeed impossible with him.

You wrote me this in a cruel attempt to mock me whilst hiding your identity. You said I’ve hurt people yet in the same breath say I’m not one of those I’ve hurt. How manipulative?! If you had some guts, you should have come out boldly to say what beef you have with me. The general belief is that you expected me to gloat about my lack of children, be miserable, wear mourning clothes, even go offline, choose to discontinue living because of this. You watched out for when I’d make posts about being worried because we had no children. With each landslide I made, each milestone I achieved, each posts I made that proved to you I was genuinely living my best life now, you were bitter. I’m wondering why with all your hate and bitterness for me, you couldn’t come out boldly to send me this.

Why did you have to use an anonymous number to send me this? I’d have expected you to chest your bitterness for me and reveal who you are. Shows how despicable and wicked you are! A human who lacks conscience! But you see God…He has shamed you! You should hide your face in shame!

Whoever you are.

May your life continue to be miserable. May you never have any reason to rejoice.

May every good thing elude and be far from you.

You’ll suffer and live your life in agony. You’ll live the rest of your live in misery.

As you deliberately sent me this message to spite me, and cause me pain, same in greater measure, press down, running over shall be given unto you. Amen!I hope you seek repentance and genuinely repent (na, this is not because I want to know you), but because if you don’t, you’re gonna live the rest of your life in penury, lack and sorrow.


To any of you who deliberately mock others for what they don’t have. I hope you’ll learn from this. I know it’s hard to openly confess here if you’ve been guilty of this, but I hope that in your closet you’ll cry out in repentance, seek forgiveness from whoever you’ve hurt and sin no more. If you don’t, the same fate awaits you. I hope you’ll realize that you have absolutely no right to mock anyone for whatever they seem not to have. I hope you’ll understand that you do not have your own life in your hands. I hope you’ll realize that the person you’ve mocked today can be in a better position (than you) tomorrow.

Learn to be kind. It costs nothing from us. People fight battles everyday. Many of which are unknown to us, the best we can do is to be kind to them. ***

NB: Kindly walk past this message if you’re tempted to drop any kind of unsolicited sanctimonious of forgive and forget. I’d delete your message and block you!Until this person reveals his or her identity AND shows remorse or repentance TO ME, I’m not obligated to offer my forgiveness. I know God has shamed this person but it also gives me absolute joy to put this out, call this out, afterall Bible says we declare it to the wicked, it shall not be well with them. This person deserves no mercy from me.I have waited for a year to make this post.

When I received this message, I NEVER said a word to this person. It’s lifted off my chest now, so please, desist from telling me I shouldn’t have posted this. Or you expected more from me. Remember, I’m not your role model and I don’t operate with the standards you’ve created of me in your head. You’re also free to curse this person. Rain as many insults as you like. Humans like this are despicable and we shouldn’t spare them.

***Leaves the stage and sings …*Who has the final say? Jehova has the final say****

Finally, may I use my story to encourage every woman or man waiting for a child. Everyone who has suffered miscarriages or some sort of infertility issues, everyone battling with some pain, some grieve, or some battle on your inability to have children. Everyone who has been mocked and called all sort of names, jested at etc.I want to hug you and tell you that I can relate – maybe to a little extent but I understand your struggles. I understand the pain. ❤️

I use our son as a point of contact for you too. I pray that God answers you speedily and suddenly. May He give you your own testimony just like He did for us. May your mockers bow their heads in shame.***EDIT:

When you’re done reading this screenshot, know that THIS PERSON IS NOT A MAN. THE END OF THE MESSAGE IS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO HIDE THE GENDER. It’s a DISTRACTION… you know…so that while I’m being careful with men around me, I wouldn’t know the real enemy is a woman. Men are hardly petty with issues like this. It’s women that often carry another woman’s inability to have children on her head, mocking her fellow woman. So while you curse out, please curse like you know this is a woman’s handiwork. We need the curses to be directed appropriately o. 😂


Many of us stumbled into parenting. Many of us would stumble into being parents. Many would continue the same parenting styles our parents used on us on as children. Asides from the fact that their way didn’t actually help us, some of us went on to hurt others, became damaged people, and we failed to address our inner issues.

We’ve been trained to seek violence, shouting and as the only way to resolve conflicts. If we look closely, even here on Facebook, many of us can’t have decent conversations with others insults or throwing jabs at each-other.

Some of us overlook this trends that should call our attention to a deeper and inner reflections of our flaws.

“I’m not a parent yet”, some reason.

And to those who are, rather than look within ourselves and make changes, we justify these ills with that part in the Bible that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

Yet, we still have a generation of broken people who have been blinded to think that physical assault and abuse are the only ways to resolve issues. We see men (and women) physically abuse their spouses and call it discipline. Isn’t why a man can boldly lift his hand and hit his own wife? We see women physically abuse their maids and say they’re training them. What of some of us who physically hit our children and claim it’s discipline – an action we can not carry out on animals are melted to our children and we think this is okay?

Some of us have been emotionally and psychologically hurt. Do we talk about the lack of self esteem because our parents verbally abused us? Many of us can’t stand up for ourselves and what we believe in, because we were never given the freedom to make our own choices in the homes we grew up in. Can we mention that many of us are still scared of public speaking because we were never trained to be bold, courageous by our parents? Do I have to mention that many people do not have a great relationship with their parents because we grew up in homes were friendship, openness and communication was never a priority?

If within you, you didn’t like your parents style of training you, and you really want to do better, you’ve to be deliberate about it with your children.

You can’t afford to just stumble into being a father or mother and expect that things would be business as usual or expect luck to take over. Somebody said, which I agree to, that the styles used by our parents of the last two generations can’t work with children of this generation. Additionally said by another, “You can’t put old wine in new skins”.

You’ve to read about parenting. Get good books that discuss the different personalities in children, study the psychology of your own child, know your child’s temperament etc.

I bought a parenting book sometime ago, including a book understanding children’s love languages and temperaments. Somebody asked me why I’d buy such books now after-all I don’t have children. I told her, I was making preparations for the day. If I’ve this free time, then I should not just expect to be a good parent by luck. I must prepare for that day. You don’t prepare a horse on the day it’s going for battle, preparation must have gone on months or years before the day.

The problem is that many people skip the preparation aspect. We desire the good things of life but don’t wanna prepare for it. We don’t wanna pay the price to study. Unfortunately, you don’t start learning about children when you’ve them, if you do desire children otherwise you’ll end up having damaged children.

It’s the same thing with marriage. Many people desire good spouses, but would never seek out knowledge on how to get one. They only pray for luck and hope that fate smiles on them. This is why when people say I’m lucky I’ve a good marriage, I don’t think so. I worked for it. I prepared for the kind of home I wanted, I didn’t stumble into this. I knew who I was and who I would never be able to live with. Maybe luck happens for some, well, I don’t believe in luck, I believe in preparing and being intentional about whatever you desire.

Therefore, if you wanna be a good parent, be intentional about this. Being married doesn’t qualify you as a good parent. If you’ve not unlearned the toxic parenting styles your parents had on you which you didn’t like, you have to start now while you’re still single or married without children. You’ve to do this consciously. Read up books.

Being a parent is much more than being a father or mother or providing for their physical needs. Procreation doesn’t make you a parent, it just makes you a biological mother or father. You’ve to make that thoughtful decision to care for, love your child. It is hard work.

You’ve to learn to hear them out, communicate with them, let know know they’ve got a friend in you. Protect their reputation and image. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to protect them from abusers, harm and evil. You should also protect them from yourself, your bad temper, anger and outburst.

Don’t be quick to make a post on social media about your children’s outburst or tantrums. Don’t be quick to ridicule and put your children down in public and call it discipline. You have to recognize that each child is different and cease comparing them with your other children. You’ve to learn to listen to them, and seek not to control them. You can’t afford to get your children to respect you by using violence and anger.

Children are humans too, who’ve feelings and are deserving of respect, and regard. Children act better when they are heard. Listen to them.

There are other ways to discipline a child that will bring out the best in them. Find them out. This is your sole responsibility if you wanna have children. You’ve can’t afford to just have children waiting for them to become your retirement plans if you’ve not done your own part of the work!

Do you see that parenting is such a hard task. It’s not something you should just stumble into if you wanna do things differently.


The lack today could be the bounty tomorrow!

I had a classmate who was always brought out of school assembly for late payment of fees or no fees at all. Canned. Beaten. Made jest of. I would feel so sorry for her and worry about her parents. I was never close to her and couldn’t ask about them. I had my own struggles and just concentrated on my studies.

Few years later, I met her in my University. We became close. She looked frailer than we were in secondary school. She could hardly afford to pay her fees. Ours was a Federal university and our fees were relatively cheap, but she struggled year in, year out.

Sometimes, she would come perch in my room for a few weeks before she could sort out accommodation the University provided. She also did some side jobs; frying akara, selling extension weaves, laundry for her hostel mates and lecturers, running errands, cooking and all sorts.

While staying with me, she confessed that things had been tough for her parents since her father lost all his savings. Her mum had never been working as her father was responsible for all their financial needs.

They lost their house, they lost all they had, but for her father’s decision not to take she and her younger brother to a public secondary school, they’d have been forced to withdraw. They lived from hand to mouth and where I could help, I assisted her with money and foodstuff.

In our third year in school, after we returned from ASUU break, I never heard from her. All attempts to reach her on the number I had failed. I moved on and prayed for her anytime her thoughts came to mind.

Fast forward to few years later. Somebody messages me on Facebook asking if I remember her. She introduces herself and voila, it’s my old friend. We shared and talked. She told me how she eventually had to drop out of school because her father died and her mum followed shortly after.

Few months after her parent’s death, she received a call from one of her father’s old friend and classmate. He had been searching for her and her younger brother a long time upon hearing the death of his friend and wife. Her father had paid his fees when he was wealthy and was looking for them to say thank you, and help where he could. In his words, her father had been helped offset all his debts and it was only recipocatory to extend same help to his children, especially at a time they needed it.

Guess what?

This man sponsored she and her brother to study in the UK for their first and second degree. Afterwards, she got a job with a UK startup company and runs the Nigerian office. Her brother graduated tops in his class and he’s currently a basketballer.

When I was studying in the UK, we hooked up to meet and she had changed. She looked better. Everything she had gone through was in the past. The difference was really clear. Fresh. Sweet. Beautiful. She was oozing the good life.

I also visited her in Nigeria and she has done so well for herself. She drives her own car, lives in her own house in one of the highbrow estates in Abuja and runs a business on the side. She told me this is even a fragment of what she has. I was happy and amazed.

She shared a lot about the maltreatment she received from her parents’ relatives, the sufferings she and her brother went through and all sorts. Admist tears she said, “Omoby. Look at me. Remember when I used to come and beg you for garri and cubes of maggi. This is my house. I’m comfortable. I’m living my dreams. I’m happy. I’m content.”

We both cried and shared. She shared with me of how she was mocked and looked down upon, how people didn’t want to be her friend. How she was almost harassed by some of her dad’s friends when she went to them for help.

One thing I’m grateful for is that; I never looked down on her when she was at the bottom. I offered help where I could. I’m really happy to see how far she’s come. It’s almost unbelievable to realise that somebody in need yesterday is in plenty today.

My friend’s words were, “Omoby, if you ever need anything and I mean anything, please do not hesitate to tell me. You were there when we had nothing. I’d do my best to help wherever you need it”.

There’s one thing I would never do; to look down on anyone. The popular saying that no condition is permanent is really true.

A person who’s poor today may be in a better place tomorrow.

At that time, I didn’t help her because I wanted to get anything from her, I helped her because it was in my capacity to do. I had more and I could share. I lived in my own apartment in school and this was somebody who needed a place to stay. I’ve known too well not to look down on anyone; these are values my siblings and I grew up with.

In life, don’t you ever look down on anyone. The one who has nothing today could be in bounty tomorrow. And vice versa. Do not mock anyone of today’s lack. Tables could turn. That it’s a lack today doesn’t mean it would be same tomorrow or next. Or next year.

Please don’t look down on yourself either. If you have nothing today, this doesn’t mean you’ll not have it tomorrow. You shouldn’t give up on yourself. All it takes is God’s hand of favour to turn things around for you. And this could happen in a twinkle of an eye.

If you’re that person who makes jest of people’s lack because you have in bounty, you’ll be shocked when tables turn. If you think that it’s okay to mock a person’s sufferings or think that’s the end of their life, you’re very unwise.

What is it you have that the Lord hasn’t given you? Why would you make jest of another because they lack what you have? What would you take away from this world when you go? Nothing. Not your houses. Not your money. Not your gold. Not your investments. Not your accessories. Not your children. Nothing. You’ll leave empty.

Anytime I remember how life turned for my friend, I stand in awe of God and it has further reinforced my belief not to mock anyone for whatever they lack today.

Life is very unpredictable.


A single friend of mine started her relocation sometime last year and is now here in Canada. She started this route without waiting for marriage. She tells me men full ground and she wouldn’t wait for marriage before she does something tangible with her life.

I like her and I like how she knew she could actualize her relocation plans as a single person.

But this is not the mindset of the typical Nigerian lady.

A typical Nigeria lady is waiting to be married before she takes major life changing decisions of her life.

She is waiting to be married before she starts that degree or course she really want to.

She’s waiting to be married before she takes that concrete step to relocate or start a business or write that book, or launch that startup.

Somehow, she thinks being married would immediately launch them into her dreams. She believes marriage is a magic wand that would immediately jump-start her plans. She thinks marriage would solve all her problems, cater for all her needs and automatically puts her at the centre of their dreams.

She doesn’t know that in most cases, she can achieve more as a single person than being married, because the person whom she’s waiting for has the huge possibility to put her plans on hold.

I’d explain.

Marriage is a very good thing, but it also comes with loads of responsibilities. This responsibilities demand your time, resources and money.

Pregnancy is one phase in Marriage that adds responsibilities and delays your personal plans.

Child bearing is another.

This is why you may have heard many married women say, I wanted to go for that degree, I wanted to start that business, I wanted to go for that course, but I got pregnant, started raising kids and had to put everything on hold.

No, I’m not saying you can’t achieve your plan nor reach your peak being married, but you do it faster being single. This is because your focus is not divided and you’re running unilaterally with your goal solely in mind.

No, your partner doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad guy nor does it mean he is a dream killer, however remember, you’re bringing into existence another human who also has his own plans in his head. This fusion comes with sacrifices and changes that delay what you should have achieved if alone.

Dear single lady,

If you’re sure about what you wanna do, please don’t wait to be married before you start. Start immediately. Start now.

I have to mention this, not in any way to boast at all. Many of my friends who desired to go for their second degree and didn’t start while single, are yet to still do so being married. Those who did, struggled amidst very uncomfortable circumstances.

This is because marriage responsibilities delay personal plans. It’s a reality many know too late. Beyond the euphoria and glamour your wedding day brings, comes the reality that marriage brings sacrifices, many of which are painful and uncomfortable.

This is why I implore you to achieve all you desire to do being single. At least try. Do your bit. Do your best. Look back with contentment and be proud of yourself. There’s nothing like wishing you had done something earlier.

Don’t just wait for Mr right to come sweep you off your feet while you just do nothing. Start working on your own goals and purpose.

I was speaking to a friend yesterday who desires to relocate to Canada but is waiting to be married before she starts the process. I had to tell her that if this is what she wants to do, she should start immediately. Asides that applying as a single applicant is cheaper and quite straightforward, you just never know the kind of man you’ll get married to.

He doesn’t have to be a bad guy to put your own plans on hold. He may just not be ready to move at the time you want to. Perhaps, he may have businesses in Nigeria and doesn’t see the move at all, or he may be that guy who’s a snail in making decisions, doesn’t take risks, thereby truncating your plans; you therefore become a gunner.

Two of my close friends who wish to relocate have partners that are delaying them. No, they’re not bad men but they don’t just key into the opportunity.

One of them, her hubby likes the idea but he wouldn’t lift a finger. Unfortunately he’s the one with the higher qualification, therefore as to be the one at the forefront.

The other isn’t even interested at all. The thought of relocation irks him. In his mind, those who leave, go on to do odd jobs and barely survive.

This is why I told my other single friend, and I’m telling you too, please do what you have to do before you get married. Let that love meet you ahead.

Truth is, if this friends were single, they would be better for it. But their men wouldn’t allow them be great.

If a man wouldn’t put his plans on hold until he gets a wife, I don’t see why you should put your own plans on hold until you get a husband.

2019 is almost gone and I know many are waiting to be married before they become intentional about their lives. Please don’t. You may get married and realize this too late. I hope this post would help you have a rethink.



Miss B is both an American citizen and a Nigerian citizen. She also holds a Canadian passport. She’s well travelled and has worked with several companies both in the US and Canada and came home to work in Nigeria.

One day, while having a cup of tea in the dinning hall of an hotel where I had a seminar, I overheard Miss B telling another young lady also attending the conference as I was, why she thinks relocating isn’t a good idea.

She started by saying that relocating is capital intensive and then people leave their “good lives” in Nigeria to pick up nonsense jobs here. She said moving from the unknown to the known isn’t a venture people should consider.

She also mentioned that this country isn’t has beautiful as people expect it to look because they’re met with the rude shock of trying to settle down, pay huge bills and even when they get good jobs, they’re highly taxed.

By the time she was done, I almost choked on my tea because she had just discouraged a young lady who wanted to make a critical decision in her life. She had just told a young lady who had plans of moving to a country that would give her the opportunity to maximize her potentials, she had killed such dreams, and of course coming from somebody who was even a citizen of the same country she wanted to go to, there were high chances this young lady was gonna take her word as gold.

Almost a year down the line, Miss B wants to do some project in Nigeria with another colleague. Government policies are not favourable. The peoples’ attitude towards her project isn’t also helping matters. Even though her project is one that would benefit the poor in the community, the locals are comfortable with living in penury and poverty. They don’t want a change, they don’t want anything that would take them away from their confort zones. Basic infrastructure facilities are unavailable. It’s frustrating, everything she puts into her project hits a concrete wall.

Miss B gives up and sighs. Ha! Is this a country, she asks. I can’t even get anything done. The people are sick and rigid in their old ways. Government policies are not favourable to us. Eventually, gathering her Canada passport, she returns back to one of her options and continues to live her life here.

When she gets here, she breathes a sigh of relief. First, she doesn’t have to battle with the epileptic power supply as she does in Nigeria, the Internet facility is better and she’s even breathing fresh and unpolluted air. Although, she pays taxes, she clearly sees where her taxes are going to.

What’s my point of this post?

At the tip of your fingers, I’m sure you can count the number of people Miss B may have met along her path whom she has discouraged on taking a second option. Unfortunately, Miss B would never go back to meet every one of them and tell them she had changed her mind and now thinks having a second option is good for everyone.

The young lady I overheard her making discussions with and discouraging her is one of such people whom she has sown such seeds to.

This is why I keep saying this and I’d not stop.

Be careful of those who tell you not to relocate but who have second options – people who hold dual citizenship to other countries. While they can pick up their passports and return to a saner environment, their second homes, you’re stuck with one option. Some of them got theirs through their parents who were wise enough to secure their childrens’ future while some went in search for it as adults. However they got theirs, what matters is that they’ve got a options and if Nigerian scatters today, they can pick their bags and move on. Can you?

My aunty is one of those people who fall into this category. She doesn’t see the need to relocate. She doesn’t understand why young people like myself and my husband don’t wanna stay and build Nigeria. I have made her to understand that I can’t build Nigeria. I don’t have the powers and position to do this and the people who can, have a different reality to mine. Unfortunately, she still doesn’t get it.

I have stopped trying to make her see my point. You see, as much as I respect and love my aunty, I would never listen to her advise.

Do you know why?

My aunty is a British citizen. Not just her, her husband, and all her children hold dual citizenship.

I come from a very privileged and educated home. I am one of those who have educated, well travelled and exposed grandparents and we grew up knowing we have families who live abroad- not some distant relatives.

My grandparents were citizens of the United Kingdom, lived and buried in the UK. My dad and his two immediate younger siblings were the only ones who were not born in the UK at the time my grandparents relocated in the early forties. But his other younger siblings, my aunty inclusive, were born in the UK and automatically got their citizenship.

While my dad’s other siblings legalized their own status, stayed and built their homes there, my dad returned back to Nigeria without legalizing his own status preventing us from ever becoming British citizens.

Now, my aunty, her husband and her kids, my cousins can decide they’re tired of Nigeria and go on a vacation to the UK without any bother. All they need to do is to pick their passports and fiam, they’re all gone. Sometimes I am unable to reach her or my uncle, her husband and I’m told they’re vacationing in the UK.

Being British citizens means you have access to 185 countries in the world, and only 33 counties do they need a visa in advance. What this means is that with a UK passport, you hold stake to a country that ranks the fifth global powerful passport in the world.

Let me shock you that Nigeria ranks 84th in the world and this means that you can only access 45 free counties and trust me, 99% of this counties are nothing to write home about; more or less suffering the same misery as their big brother, Nigeria suffers, or even worse.

This is why I’d never listen to my aunty. What option do I have? I’m just as stuck as dead. I can do nothing. Thank God this is all past. I now have a second option.

I don’t know why I’m sharing this, but if you’ve got somebody whom you’ve told about your relocation plans and the person doesn’t want you going or tries to talk you out of it just like Miss B did to that young lady, perhaps you need me to speak to you.

Oh my! I have carried this unpatriotism on my head and I’d tell you a hundred and one reasons why you should give yourself a second option. Maybe not for you, but please do it for your kids. Give them the opportunity to be able to work, live, study anywhere in the world.

Perhaps you need to also check what status this person holds. I love my aunty, and she knows I love her, but I’d never heed her advise. I have gone to get myself a second option, so that when I am sixty like she is, I’d be able to look back at my life, look at the choices and decisions I have made, be proud of them, knowing I didn’t lose an opportunity when it was open.

Not just that, my children would be eternally grateful for the opportunity I gave them. I do not want them asking me what I was doing when this opportunity was open. May I not live this world without securing the future of my children.

Do you agree?

The 8 Categories of People you should be wary of when deciding whether to relocate or not.

I attended a training sometime ago in Lagos. During the break session, we all went to have lunch at the dinning room.

Unfortunately, my laptop was having issues and I could not enjoy the meal as much as I would have loved to. While I was having a hard time trying to understand what could be wrong, something else caught my attention that made me put my worries on hold.

One of the facilitators of the training and a female staff were both having discussion and the crux of their discussion got my ears on alert. You know, anywhere I hear “relocation”, my ears are always at attention. I just want to know your thoughts and judge your patriotism😆. If you are having a hard time making a decision, I am very kind to let you into my inner room, make you know about my plans and encourage you. On the other hand, if you badmouth relocating, I keep my mouth shut and just move away.

So this day, I put my worries away and listened. The man was worried about the challenges of relocating. He is an experienced professional in his field and had heard lots of sour stories about those who come here to work menial jobs. He desired a second chance for his family but was really confused.

Perhaps this are your fears too.

The lady he was talking to, apparently hoping she would be able to calm his fears, stated by confirming the stories he heard and how it is true people do menial jobs. She said she knew many professionals who have left their high flying jobs in Nigeria to take up silly jobs here. She went further to say that this country is not as beautiful as others claim to be. Everybody is taxed, life is really hard and how many people are in serious debts. In fact, she even knew one or two who died from terminal diseases here, she knew people who were depressed because of the private culture lived here. She went further to tell him not to relocate because ‘home’, which she meant as Nigeria would always be home.

When I heard “home”, you know like the lines many patriotic Nigerians use, I knew I wanted to know her thoughts on this. True to my curiosity, the facilitator was also interested in same and inquired further.

“Home? But home is where you make home, isn’t it?”. He said curiously.

She went on to say that Nigerians living here are depressed, missing their families and many of them still return back to their homes after everything. She told him she did not understand why he wants to start all over again in a place several others are retiring to go to. It was just safer to stay.

Lunch was now over and we had to go back to class.

I kept all I had heard inside me, set it aside in my brain to accommodate lessons for my training.

After the session, I met the facilitator and told him I needed to speak with him. I confessed and apologized for eavesdropping on his conversation earlier in the day but I heard everything and I wanted him to take the lady’s opinion with a pinch of salt. 😂🤣

He was surprised. His eyes shone in shock. He didn’t expect this.

He asked why. I told him I am getting a second option and as we speak, my application is in process. I told him everyone’s reality is different and all she said does not have to be his. I told him it is true there would be initial teething challenges, but nothing can be compared to living a better life here.

Then I inquired about this lady.

She had spent all her life living here. Infact, she is a citizen of Canada.
She has previous work experience in some big companies in Canada and America.
She returned back to Nigeria, got a job with a top international company in Lagos and earns seven digits monthly.

She has two options. She is both a Canadian and a Nigerian. If Nigeria scatters today, babe would pick her bag and move without a bother.

She is privileged. She enjoys the benefits of both countries; Nigerian and Canada (even though I do not get to see what benefit I enjoy as a Nigerian)😐🙄.

I told him this and I would tell you too.

1. Be careful of those who tell you not to leave. Some of them have made money in their prime, fed fat, enjoyed the benefit of a developed country and just wanna retire back to Nigeria.

The same reason they left for a country that gave them the opportunity to maximise their potentials, and wanna retire back to Nigeria is the same reason you should think of going to a country that enables you to maximize your potentials while still in your prime so that someday, you’ll retire successfully too.

2. Be careful of people who already hold dual citizenship and tell you not to relocate. They have two options. If a war is declared in Nigeria tomorrow, they are safe while you are not. The Canadian or American government would secure them. You think Buhari knows you? Better use your own head.😜🤣

3. I have seen posts of those advocating “home is home’, “I love Nigeria”, “I die in Nigeria”…come to my inbox ask me how to relocate. Know that many people are closest hypocrites. They secretly spend millions to have their kids abroad, all their children school abroad, yet tell you not to relocate. The culture in Nigeria encourages people to hide information from others. They’d never let you know what they do. Never think that the person who chants “I love my country, Nigeria” , “Nigeria would be great again” isn’t doing something to better themselves. It’s their way of hiding the truth from you. I have signed an oath of confidentiality since I started this ministry, you for see proof yourself.🤐🙄

4. Reality is that some people are very uncomfortable with taking risks. They are not bad people. They are just those who would just do nothing even if you bring a pen to them to sign their citizenship. They seem very comfortable in their comfort zone and can’t imagine doing anything that takes them out out of it. If you allow their unbothered attitude to decide your fate, who is open to taking risks, you are on your own. Na you go wear your shoe. Na you the shoe go pinch.

5. This category are quite special. They’ve tried to relocate and failed. They have accepted their fate and even believed that the ‘miracle door of the abroad’ is forever closed on them, that their destiny and the abroad aren’t compatible, two parallel lines that can never meet. Thus, they’ve come up with the illusion that Nigeria is working for them. Maybe it is, maybe it is not, but what they are really trying to do is to console themselves in their own misery. Somehow, because they have tried something and failed, they look for ways to justify their sorrows. While I sympathize with them, please be careful of this kind of people. Don’t let them rub their misery on you. Be extremely discerning.

6. Some other people just wanna come here on holidays and return back. They have stakes in government. They have good business ties. They are making millions maybe even billions in naira. They have secured jobs. Life seems good. They have enough money to live a comfortable life in Nigeria, be their own local, state and federal government. You wey get great potential, age dey your side but no get money to even buy data, dey listen to them…continu.🤣

7. I really like this kind of people. Many religious sanctimonious Nigerians sit pretty on this table. This lots believe that God must come down from heaven and appear to them in a vision before they take this step. They would use the Bible to manipulate others into thinking God would never forgive you for relocating…and immediately you get here, God has closed his door of provision over your life.

They say you must fast and wait upon the Lord for forty days and nights in order to hear something like, “Omoby, my beloved daughter. I have made the land of Nigeria flowing with milk and honey for you. Your fate and destiny is in Nigeria. You are not going to make breakthrough anywhere else”… you know…that kind of response that comes in a vision, a large cloud, accompanied by angel Michael and Gabriel and all the 24 elders.

While it is true that God speaks to us in several ways concerning certain decisions of our lives, remember, God is also everywhere and He can bless you anywhere. He’d hold nothing against you. He knows you’re genuinely trying to survive in this world. Also, you are your own sign and voice. God would never come down to tell you to relocate or stay. You make the choice. You determine the path of your life. Your destiny is in your own hands.

8. The last category. They’re people who have never been dealt with the hard blow of the Nigerian system and may never be. They’ve not had a close relative, friend or family member who died from an unavoidable cause in Nigeria. Unlike Desmond Elliot and some people I know, they don’t have children with special needs. Nobody they know has died due to the decayed Nigerian health system, dearth of infrastructure facilities or reckless shooting of a police official, hence its impossible for them to relate. They’re not very rich, yet not poor, but haven’t had that experience that reveals to them how rotten the Nigerian system is; that close shave of death. Life seems to be just fair with them. If you allow them decide your fate, you who Nigeria has shown pepper, na una sabi o.

Need I mention that my facilitator I talked to, keyed into this vision, has since been recruited into our association; Association of Unpatriotic Nigerians Living in Diaspora (AUNLID) and he and his family are super grateful to me that I was very open with him about my plans. He tells me that I’m a different kind because the norm is for people to hide what they do from others. I am aware that this is what makes me different. 😍

The seed of faith I planted in him has germinated more fruits as he has gone on to recruit more people.

Please don’t me wrong. This post ONLY refers to those who desire second options. It its okay if you wanna stay and build the Nigeria of your dreams. I just hope this would happen in your lifetime. We wey no get faith and time don commot.


RELOCATING…an option you wanna consider???…PLEASE HELP RETWEET ON TWITTER! Yes

Hello guys!! How have you all been? Hope everyone is doing great and we are getting on with our relocation plans just fine? Thank you for all the positive feedback on my relocation post. If you are just seeing this post and you have not see that yet, I think you should head over there and do so. Trust me, you will love it! Check it here to read it.

Oh dear! I’m super excited. I’m happy that the relocation post has got many people taking actions for their lives and children.

When I started the relocation post on my blog, I didn’t really expect that it would go as much length as it did. I just wanted to have something to give to people when they ask me how I relocated because I couldn’t be responding to every single question on relocation. It gets overwhelming and the time difference between here doesn’t make it easy.

I started, stopped and on and off I went. When I thought I was done, I sent it to my friend, Denike and she said it was really good, but I could include pictures so as to rest people eyes. She also suggested I divide the post into parts. I decided to tell a story with the pictures and that’s why each picture came with a caption which you would enjoy as you read my post.

But what’s most amazing for me is that the post is doing many of my very patriotic friends strong thing. This is really amazing. I didn’t make the post to manipulate anyone or berate anyone for their choice of staying and this is why I kept emphasizing in the post that I’m aware that not everyone can leave Nigeria, unfortunately. If you do decided to stay, please this is fine. The post is for those who choose to relocate.

Here is the sweet jist.

So a friend tells me that her hubby who is so patriotic in the things of the Nigeria saw the post and read it. He follows me here and he likes me so the post got him interested.

Prior to this time, she said she had been talking to him about getting second options but nothing was working. She said they had not read too far in the post when her hubby declared. “Babe! We’re getting our passports done!”


…the way I smile when my “patriotic” Nigerian friends become unpatriotic as a result of my “how to relocate out of Nigeria” post. The post is doing many people strong thing faaaa🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.

She said they’ve gone for capturing and waiting for collection. She’s happy that atleast this is the first step to a dream come true and of course it is.

Another friend whom hubby and I talked to about relocating kept saying they only desire to just visit. On reading my post, oh boy! They’re having second thoughts about their earlier position. It really starts like that. My prayer is that many more people would read the post and have second thoughts.

Now for me, this are few of the amazing testimonies I have received from the post. I’m glad it is doing people strong thing and Nigerians are opening their eyes to the reality on ground.

I’ve been receiving tons of questions in my inbox and mail. If I haven’t answered yours, please hold on a bit.

I’ve posted the relocation link on Twitter. Please if you’re on Twitter, 👇 is the link.

Please kindly help me RETWEET this post and SHARE so that others can RETWEET too. This is the only favor I need from you.🙏

My handle is @adexomoby.


Thank you very much and may God make all your dreams come true.

Please kindly return the favor by following my blog here and following me on IG here.

If you have any questions or comments for me, please drop me a comment here or use the contact form here. I would be happy to read from you.

Thank you guys and wishing you success and favor as you make your big plan.

Stop dating entitled men!

My parents sponsored my degree to the UK. They had paid all my bills, including accommodation and school fees. I can recall my aunty travelling to the UK, to my school, for my sake because she wanted to look for the best accommodation for me. When she did, my parents sent her the money and paid for the duration of my study.

All I needed to do was to go to school and study. Even though they promised me monthly upkeep, I looked for student jobs because I wanted to live off them and just make my own money. While my friends were looking for jobs to pay their accommodation fees, I was looking for jobs because I wanted to be independent and save some good money.

I can NOT imagine telling Daddy or Mummy say na boy I wan follow marry say I no dey go school again. Where is the mouth I would tell them say one boy has vouched never to marry me because I wan go further my education. On top their own money?! For an ordinary and mere boyfriend?!

No, you are just dead!

Hahhahaa, I trust my sisters sha. By the time, Onikepe slaps me from the left ear and Tolulope slaps me from the right, all the love that is shaking me would fly out of my head. Even my younger brother, Bobosticka would say, “sister Omoby, ahn..ahn…e be like say something dey craze for your head o”.

On a serious note, what sort of man says you should consider your five year relationship over because your father decides to sponsor your degree to Canada which you desire to go for.

Who raised this kind of entitled men? Who gave birth to such silly men? Who are their fathers? Men who think that a woman should dump her dreams and careers because she’s dating you. Are you serious? Because you’re who?

Why do many women think that their lives are over if they call the bluff of this kind of idiots. And to know that it is always women who put their careers and lives on hold for men who give silly conditions. Na women dey always ask this kain mumu question. Worse, for a man you’re not even married to. Tueh!

Let’s turn the tables and see.

A man may do a lot for a lady, the one he loves, but I am yet to see a man who would sacrifice his own career or dreams for a woman. Maybe there are, but I have not met any yet. Or a man whom the babe would threaten with such ultimatum and the man would come inbox to seek public opinion.


I repeat, no man would put his life on hold to accommodate such entitled condition from any woman, even if it the woman he loves.
I am yet to see a man who would withhold a scholarship opportunity, a job offer, or something in such like just to be with the woman of his dreams. Heheheh.

He would rather go and the woman waits for him. So if a man would not do the same for you, you think you are obligated to do same for him to? Why? Because men are scarce? Because he’s the only one on earth for you? Because if you don’t marry him, you’re doomed?

A woman would be the one torn between choosing her career and a silly guy who gives such stupid condition. A woman is often the one having sleepless nights because she wants to hold on to a man who makes her choose between her career and a stupid love. A woman would put her career on hold, refuse scholarship opportunities, sacrifice her school fees because she loves a man without using her head well.

Ladies, I do not care how many years you have spent with a man, I do not care if his dick is gold plaited and or he is the best thing after sliced bread. See, immediately he mentions “c” without even spelling out the word “Choose”, let that relationship go. He’s not the only man on earth for you.

Also, this is a red flag that has the potentials of turning into something big in future. This means that if you do get married to him, he would stop you from advancing in your career. He would stop you from getting promotions, he would stop you from doing anything that makes you happy.

And trust me, at this time, because you have already given him the permission while dating, you may never be able to stand up for yourself. This is how women get married to men who suppress their dreams and progress, leaving them miserable and unhappy for the rest of their lives. Ask women who are miserable in their marriages, they’d tell you this are the signs they saw, ignored and didn’t pay attention to.

Stop making silly sacrifices for a man who does not love you, who makes you choose between your career and a relationship, because a man who makes you choose DOES NOT love you. Period.

This should not even be debatable. It should be the fundamental principle of every girl should stand by. But no! “I want to marry, I want to bear Mrs, Men are scarce” wouldn’t let some of you be great!

~ Omoby, 2019