A story of how I have come through…

My high school friend reminded me that I was the one who created the lyrics and composed, the valedictory song of our high school. When I sit down to write the lyrics, and sing (in my head), our song of my graduating year, I recall with smiles on my face and a pride in my heart that my name may forever be written in the sands of time of my school and just like him, wherever all my classmates may be all over the world, I may have made an imprint in their heart – through my writing.

I recall how everything played out that day. Classmates were already aware that I could string words together, so when our music teacher said he wanted us to come up with something original, I raised my hand to try. The outcome was fantastic.Thinking back at this, I realized that I was and is still good with stringing words together and creating good content. However, I spent the best part of my years in high school feeling so timid and insecure. I lacked self assurance and belief in myself. I lived each day being miserable. Why was this?I focused all of my energy on my weaknesses. I was a complete dullard with Chemistry and this affected my self esteem.

My dullness was so thick, and well noticed that I recall the chemistry teacher coming to the exam hall on the day we wrote our final exams boasting that she’s aware that I’d never pass Chemistry. I recall her saying in the presence of everyone when she spotted me, called my name out and said, “Omobolanle Adeyemo. You can never pass Chemistry”. I was not shocked at her words, rather I swallowed it and accepted my fate. Well, she was right. I had a F9 in Chemistry. And I struggled to have credits in the rest of my other science subjects. Secondly, I was and is still thin. And because of this, I felt so miserable. I hardly had the curves that most teenagers had. With a sophisticated school like the one I attended, filled with several rich kids as well as our final year driven by the euphoria of having boyfriends, that heightened my insecurities. I felt I didn’t stand a chance to even be approached for friendship by any guy. I came across a post on Facebook and the question was asked was what was our regret and I mentioned there that I regretted wasting my teenage years and early twenties feeling so insecure because I felt I was thin, a size 6 or even 4.

More misery added to me were those who would constantly harass and made jest of my stature. As I type this, I remember this person who would always mention how thin I was and use me as yardstick for being thin. She’d say, “if a person is not as thin as Omoby, then you’re not yet thin”. This words would kill something inside of me. It would dampen my spirit and make me feel so terrible. At that time, I didn’t know how to dish back the same poison anyone gives me, so I’d suck it up, go and cry in my corner. I also didn’t know at that time that persons like that were only projecting their insecurities on me. During those years, I spent the best time of my life going through life focusing on my weaknesses rather than focusing on my strengths. I wasted time doing this and now I can’t get back those years back, I’m committed to living the rest of my years better.

I wish I focused on the other side, that I could write and even though I was not very smart with Chemistry, Maths and numbers, I am good with words and could string them together. I mean, if after several years, my old friend could remember that I was the one who composed our valedictory song, then I am actually super talented but I had made the mistake only focusing on the things I couldn’t do.I recall also that I had stories written in more than three or four higher educational books, which my classmates would read with many being shocked that I could write so well. I was a pro in poem writing and creating fiction. I recall how many of them would ask me to help them compose letters and poems to their boyfriends and girlfriends and how I would do this effortlessly. Yet, I had completely gone through that phase of life thinking that I was just a complete dullard, and being thin also added to my anguish.

Even though I can not take back the time, as I grow older and go into 2021, I’m now more committed to focusing on my strengths and leaving my weaknesses alone. I am not going to dwell on that. I often say I don’t know book, (with many disbelieving me), but I’m now retracting my statement to say I’m brilliant. I may be an idiot with numbers, but I’m awesome with words. I am incredible with putting content together. I am marvelous with writing epistles.

This is what my hubby always tells me when I admire his intelligence with numbers. “Omoby, you think I’m smart. But you’re intelligent yourself”, he would reassure me. “I can’t string words like you do. You do this effortlessly”.He’s right. A physical proof is my book, ALERO. This book which is over 600 pages in hardcover print is one I effortlessly wrote in three weeks. If I could do this, then I am not bad afterall. It means I’m not a dullard.Also, I may not be a size 10 or 12 like I have always wished, I’m going to be great being a size 6. I’m not going to wish anymore that I were fat. I am going to take pride in my stature. Fortunately unlike with my intelligence for words, I came to accept and love my stature earlier than now coming to accept that numbers is not my forte.

And this is the difference between successful and unsuccessful people. The former focuses all their energy on their strengths while the latter go through life just focusing on their weaknesses.Why am I sharing all of this with you?Please don’t be like me who wasted a tangible time of her young twenties and even mid twenties wishing she were thin.

Don’t be like me who squandered valuable time thinking I wasn’t smart, and who’s is now retracing my statement about not being intelligent thereby underestimating myself all along. Don’t be like me who thought I wasn’t clever because I wasn’t smart in numbers but forgets that with words, I do that effortlessly – including writing here on Facebook. Please focus on your strengths. Do this consciously. The person you admire whom you wish to be like is working hard at their strengths. Don’t compare yourself with anyone. If you do, you’re gonna compare your weaknesses with another’s strengths, making you go through life completely depressed.

Remember, there’s something amazing about you.
Find it and stay there.
Find it and find peace.



Many of us stumbled into parenting. Many of us would stumble into being parents. Many would continue the same parenting styles our parents used on us on as children. Asides from the fact that their way didn’t actually help us, some of us went on to hurt others, became damaged people, and we failed to address our inner issues.

We’ve been trained to seek violence, shouting and as the only way to resolve conflicts. If we look closely, even here on Facebook, many of us can’t have decent conversations with others insults or throwing jabs at each-other.

Some of us overlook this trends that should call our attention to a deeper and inner reflections of our flaws.

“I’m not a parent yet”, some reason.

And to those who are, rather than look within ourselves and make changes, we justify these ills with that part in the Bible that says “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

Yet, we still have a generation of broken people who have been blinded to think that physical assault and abuse are the only ways to resolve issues. We see men (and women) physically abuse their spouses and call it discipline. Isn’t why a man can boldly lift his hand and hit his own wife? We see women physically abuse their maids and say they’re training them. What of some of us who physically hit our children and claim it’s discipline – an action we can not carry out on animals are melted to our children and we think this is okay?

Some of us have been emotionally and psychologically hurt. Do we talk about the lack of self esteem because our parents verbally abused us? Many of us can’t stand up for ourselves and what we believe in, because we were never given the freedom to make our own choices in the homes we grew up in. Can we mention that many of us are still scared of public speaking because we were never trained to be bold, courageous by our parents? Do I have to mention that many people do not have a great relationship with their parents because we grew up in homes were friendship, openness and communication was never a priority?

If within you, you didn’t like your parents style of training you, and you really want to do better, you’ve to be deliberate about it with your children.

You can’t afford to just stumble into being a father or mother and expect that things would be business as usual or expect luck to take over. Somebody said, which I agree to, that the styles used by our parents of the last two generations can’t work with children of this generation. Additionally said by another, “You can’t put old wine in new skins”.

You’ve to read about parenting. Get good books that discuss the different personalities in children, study the psychology of your own child, know your child’s temperament etc.

I bought a parenting book sometime ago, including a book understanding children’s love languages and temperaments. Somebody asked me why I’d buy such books now after-all I don’t have children. I told her, I was making preparations for the day. If I’ve this free time, then I should not just expect to be a good parent by luck. I must prepare for that day. You don’t prepare a horse on the day it’s going for battle, preparation must have gone on months or years before the day.

The problem is that many people skip the preparation aspect. We desire the good things of life but don’t wanna prepare for it. We don’t wanna pay the price to study. Unfortunately, you don’t start learning about children when you’ve them, if you do desire children otherwise you’ll end up having damaged children.

It’s the same thing with marriage. Many people desire good spouses, but would never seek out knowledge on how to get one. They only pray for luck and hope that fate smiles on them. This is why when people say I’m lucky I’ve a good marriage, I don’t think so. I worked for it. I prepared for the kind of home I wanted, I didn’t stumble into this. I knew who I was and who I would never be able to live with. Maybe luck happens for some, well, I don’t believe in luck, I believe in preparing and being intentional about whatever you desire.

Therefore, if you wanna be a good parent, be intentional about this. Being married doesn’t qualify you as a good parent. If you’ve not unlearned the toxic parenting styles your parents had on you which you didn’t like, you have to start now while you’re still single or married without children. You’ve to do this consciously. Read up books.

Being a parent is much more than being a father or mother or providing for their physical needs. Procreation doesn’t make you a parent, it just makes you a biological mother or father. You’ve to make that thoughtful decision to care for, love your child. It is hard work.

You’ve to learn to hear them out, communicate with them, let know know they’ve got a friend in you. Protect their reputation and image. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to protect them from abusers, harm and evil. You should also protect them from yourself, your bad temper, anger and outburst.

Don’t be quick to make a post on social media about your children’s outburst or tantrums. Don’t be quick to ridicule and put your children down in public and call it discipline. You have to recognize that each child is different and cease comparing them with your other children. You’ve to learn to listen to them, and seek not to control them. You can’t afford to get your children to respect you by using violence and anger.

Children are humans too, who’ve feelings and are deserving of respect, and regard. Children act better when they are heard. Listen to them.

There are other ways to discipline a child that will bring out the best in them. Find them out. This is your sole responsibility if you wanna have children. You’ve can’t afford to just have children waiting for them to become your retirement plans if you’ve not done your own part of the work!

Do you see that parenting is such a hard task. It’s not something you should just stumble into if you wanna do things differently.


The lack today could be the bounty tomorrow!

I had a classmate who was always brought out of school assembly for late payment of fees or no fees at all. Canned. Beaten. Made jest of. I would feel so sorry for her and worry about her parents. I was never close to her and couldn’t ask about them. I had my own struggles and just concentrated on my studies.

Few years later, I met her in my University. We became close. She looked frailer than we were in secondary school. She could hardly afford to pay her fees. Ours was a Federal university and our fees were relatively cheap, but she struggled year in, year out.

Sometimes, she would come perch in my room for a few weeks before she could sort out accommodation the University provided. She also did some side jobs; frying akara, selling extension weaves, laundry for her hostel mates and lecturers, running errands, cooking and all sorts.

While staying with me, she confessed that things had been tough for her parents since her father lost all his savings. Her mum had never been working as her father was responsible for all their financial needs.

They lost their house, they lost all they had, but for her father’s decision not to take she and her younger brother to a public secondary school, they’d have been forced to withdraw. They lived from hand to mouth and where I could help, I assisted her with money and foodstuff.

In our third year in school, after we returned from ASUU break, I never heard from her. All attempts to reach her on the number I had failed. I moved on and prayed for her anytime her thoughts came to mind.

Fast forward to few years later. Somebody messages me on Facebook asking if I remember her. She introduces herself and voila, it’s my old friend. We shared and talked. She told me how she eventually had to drop out of school because her father died and her mum followed shortly after.

Few months after her parent’s death, she received a call from one of her father’s old friend and classmate. He had been searching for her and her younger brother a long time upon hearing the death of his friend and wife. Her father had paid his fees when he was wealthy and was looking for them to say thank you, and help where he could. In his words, her father had been helped offset all his debts and it was only recipocatory to extend same help to his children, especially at a time they needed it.

Guess what?

This man sponsored she and her brother to study in the UK for their first and second degree. Afterwards, she got a job with a UK startup company and runs the Nigerian office. Her brother graduated tops in his class and he’s currently a basketballer.

When I was studying in the UK, we hooked up to meet and she had changed. She looked better. Everything she had gone through was in the past. The difference was really clear. Fresh. Sweet. Beautiful. She was oozing the good life.

I also visited her in Nigeria and she has done so well for herself. She drives her own car, lives in her own house in one of the highbrow estates in Abuja and runs a business on the side. She told me this is even a fragment of what she has. I was happy and amazed.

She shared a lot about the maltreatment she received from her parents’ relatives, the sufferings she and her brother went through and all sorts. Admist tears she said, “Omoby. Look at me. Remember when I used to come and beg you for garri and cubes of maggi. This is my house. I’m comfortable. I’m living my dreams. I’m happy. I’m content.”

We both cried and shared. She shared with me of how she was mocked and looked down upon, how people didn’t want to be her friend. How she was almost harassed by some of her dad’s friends when she went to them for help.

One thing I’m grateful for is that; I never looked down on her when she was at the bottom. I offered help where I could. I’m really happy to see how far she’s come. It’s almost unbelievable to realise that somebody in need yesterday is in plenty today.

My friend’s words were, “Omoby, if you ever need anything and I mean anything, please do not hesitate to tell me. You were there when we had nothing. I’d do my best to help wherever you need it”.

There’s one thing I would never do; to look down on anyone. The popular saying that no condition is permanent is really true.

A person who’s poor today may be in a better place tomorrow.

At that time, I didn’t help her because I wanted to get anything from her, I helped her because it was in my capacity to do. I had more and I could share. I lived in my own apartment in school and this was somebody who needed a place to stay. I’ve known too well not to look down on anyone; these are values my siblings and I grew up with.

In life, don’t you ever look down on anyone. The one who has nothing today could be in bounty tomorrow. And vice versa. Do not mock anyone of today’s lack. Tables could turn. That it’s a lack today doesn’t mean it would be same tomorrow or next. Or next year.

Please don’t look down on yourself either. If you have nothing today, this doesn’t mean you’ll not have it tomorrow. You shouldn’t give up on yourself. All it takes is God’s hand of favour to turn things around for you. And this could happen in a twinkle of an eye.

If you’re that person who makes jest of people’s lack because you have in bounty, you’ll be shocked when tables turn. If you think that it’s okay to mock a person’s sufferings or think that’s the end of their life, you’re very unwise.

What is it you have that the Lord hasn’t given you? Why would you make jest of another because they lack what you have? What would you take away from this world when you go? Nothing. Not your houses. Not your money. Not your gold. Not your investments. Not your accessories. Not your children. Nothing. You’ll leave empty.

Anytime I remember how life turned for my friend, I stand in awe of God and it has further reinforced my belief not to mock anyone for whatever they lack today.

Life is very unpredictable.

The 8 Categories of People you should be wary of when deciding whether to relocate or not.

I attended a training sometime ago in Lagos. During the break session, we all went to have lunch at the dinning room.

Unfortunately, my laptop was having issues and I could not enjoy the meal as much as I would have loved to. While I was having a hard time trying to understand what could be wrong, something else caught my attention that made me put my worries on hold.

One of the facilitators of the training and a female staff were both having discussion and the crux of their discussion got my ears on alert. You know, anywhere I hear “relocation”, my ears are always at attention. I just want to know your thoughts and judge your patriotism😆. If you are having a hard time making a decision, I am very kind to let you into my inner room, make you know about my plans and encourage you. On the other hand, if you badmouth relocating, I keep my mouth shut and just move away.

So this day, I put my worries away and listened. The man was worried about the challenges of relocating. He is an experienced professional in his field and had heard lots of sour stories about those who come here to work menial jobs. He desired a second chance for his family but was really confused.

Perhaps this are your fears too.

The lady he was talking to, apparently hoping she would be able to calm his fears, stated by confirming the stories he heard and how it is true people do menial jobs. She said she knew many professionals who have left their high flying jobs in Nigeria to take up silly jobs here. She went further to say that this country is not as beautiful as others claim to be. Everybody is taxed, life is really hard and how many people are in serious debts. In fact, she even knew one or two who died from terminal diseases here, she knew people who were depressed because of the private culture lived here. She went further to tell him not to relocate because ‘home’, which she meant as Nigeria would always be home.

When I heard “home”, you know like the lines many patriotic Nigerians use, I knew I wanted to know her thoughts on this. True to my curiosity, the facilitator was also interested in same and inquired further.

“Home? But home is where you make home, isn’t it?”. He said curiously.

She went on to say that Nigerians living here are depressed, missing their families and many of them still return back to their homes after everything. She told him she did not understand why he wants to start all over again in a place several others are retiring to go to. It was just safer to stay.

Lunch was now over and we had to go back to class.

I kept all I had heard inside me, set it aside in my brain to accommodate lessons for my training.

After the session, I met the facilitator and told him I needed to speak with him. I confessed and apologized for eavesdropping on his conversation earlier in the day but I heard everything and I wanted him to take the lady’s opinion with a pinch of salt. 😂🤣

He was surprised. His eyes shone in shock. He didn’t expect this.

He asked why. I told him I am getting a second option and as we speak, my application is in process. I told him everyone’s reality is different and all she said does not have to be his. I told him it is true there would be initial teething challenges, but nothing can be compared to living a better life here.

Then I inquired about this lady.

She had spent all her life living here. Infact, she is a citizen of Canada.
She has previous work experience in some big companies in Canada and America.
She returned back to Nigeria, got a job with a top international company in Lagos and earns seven digits monthly.

She has two options. She is both a Canadian and a Nigerian. If Nigeria scatters today, babe would pick her bag and move without a bother.

She is privileged. She enjoys the benefits of both countries; Nigerian and Canada (even though I do not get to see what benefit I enjoy as a Nigerian)😐🙄.

I told him this and I would tell you too.

1. Be careful of those who tell you not to leave. Some of them have made money in their prime, fed fat, enjoyed the benefit of a developed country and just wanna retire back to Nigeria.

The same reason they left for a country that gave them the opportunity to maximise their potentials, and wanna retire back to Nigeria is the same reason you should think of going to a country that enables you to maximize your potentials while still in your prime so that someday, you’ll retire successfully too.

2. Be careful of people who already hold dual citizenship and tell you not to relocate. They have two options. If a war is declared in Nigeria tomorrow, they are safe while you are not. The Canadian or American government would secure them. You think Buhari knows you? Better use your own head.😜🤣

3. I have seen posts of those advocating “home is home’, “I love Nigeria”, “I die in Nigeria”…come to my inbox ask me how to relocate. Know that many people are closest hypocrites. They secretly spend millions to have their kids abroad, all their children school abroad, yet tell you not to relocate. The culture in Nigeria encourages people to hide information from others. They’d never let you know what they do. Never think that the person who chants “I love my country, Nigeria” , “Nigeria would be great again” isn’t doing something to better themselves. It’s their way of hiding the truth from you. I have signed an oath of confidentiality since I started this ministry, you for see proof yourself.🤐🙄

4. Reality is that some people are very uncomfortable with taking risks. They are not bad people. They are just those who would just do nothing even if you bring a pen to them to sign their citizenship. They seem very comfortable in their comfort zone and can’t imagine doing anything that takes them out out of it. If you allow their unbothered attitude to decide your fate, who is open to taking risks, you are on your own. Na you go wear your shoe. Na you the shoe go pinch.

5. This category are quite special. They’ve tried to relocate and failed. They have accepted their fate and even believed that the ‘miracle door of the abroad’ is forever closed on them, that their destiny and the abroad aren’t compatible, two parallel lines that can never meet. Thus, they’ve come up with the illusion that Nigeria is working for them. Maybe it is, maybe it is not, but what they are really trying to do is to console themselves in their own misery. Somehow, because they have tried something and failed, they look for ways to justify their sorrows. While I sympathize with them, please be careful of this kind of people. Don’t let them rub their misery on you. Be extremely discerning.

6. Some other people just wanna come here on holidays and return back. They have stakes in government. They have good business ties. They are making millions maybe even billions in naira. They have secured jobs. Life seems good. They have enough money to live a comfortable life in Nigeria, be their own local, state and federal government. You wey get great potential, age dey your side but no get money to even buy data, dey listen to them…continu.🤣

7. I really like this kind of people. Many religious sanctimonious Nigerians sit pretty on this table. This lots believe that God must come down from heaven and appear to them in a vision before they take this step. They would use the Bible to manipulate others into thinking God would never forgive you for relocating…and immediately you get here, God has closed his door of provision over your life.

They say you must fast and wait upon the Lord for forty days and nights in order to hear something like, “Omoby, my beloved daughter. I have made the land of Nigeria flowing with milk and honey for you. Your fate and destiny is in Nigeria. You are not going to make breakthrough anywhere else”… you know…that kind of response that comes in a vision, a large cloud, accompanied by angel Michael and Gabriel and all the 24 elders.

While it is true that God speaks to us in several ways concerning certain decisions of our lives, remember, God is also everywhere and He can bless you anywhere. He’d hold nothing against you. He knows you’re genuinely trying to survive in this world. Also, you are your own sign and voice. God would never come down to tell you to relocate or stay. You make the choice. You determine the path of your life. Your destiny is in your own hands.

8. The last category. They’re people who have never been dealt with the hard blow of the Nigerian system and may never be. They’ve not had a close relative, friend or family member who died from an unavoidable cause in Nigeria. Unlike Desmond Elliot and some people I know, they don’t have children with special needs. Nobody they know has died due to the decayed Nigerian health system, dearth of infrastructure facilities or reckless shooting of a police official, hence its impossible for them to relate. They’re not very rich, yet not poor, but haven’t had that experience that reveals to them how rotten the Nigerian system is; that close shave of death. Life seems to be just fair with them. If you allow them decide your fate, you who Nigeria has shown pepper, na una sabi o.

Need I mention that my facilitator I talked to, keyed into this vision, has since been recruited into our association; Association of Unpatriotic Nigerians Living in Diaspora (AUNLID) and he and his family are super grateful to me that I was very open with him about my plans. He tells me that I’m a different kind because the norm is for people to hide what they do from others. I am aware that this is what makes me different. 😍

The seed of faith I planted in him has germinated more fruits as he has gone on to recruit more people.

Please don’t me wrong. This post ONLY refers to those who desire second options. It its okay if you wanna stay and build the Nigeria of your dreams. I just hope this would happen in your lifetime. We wey no get faith and time don commot.


About to Wed?

In a bid not to appear hateful or jealous, I really want to appeal to would-be couples to please cut cost on wedding expenses and focus on building your home together: making it comfortable and worth living for you both. Buy a car. Get your apartment tastefully furnished. Buy foodstuffs in your kitchen. Think beyond the wedding day. When all guests are gone, where would you be heading to? A hut? A cave? A mansion? A home? A shed?

For me, it’s extremely pathetic when I see couples have lavish wedding, yet move into a tiny one bedroom apartment with just a mattress and a wrapper as curtains. For some, the days after the wedding starts a life of misery and penury. It’s sad.

Forget about the talk of wedding being a “once in a lifetime” affair and you want to break the bank, run into debts and go all the way. Do you know your Marriage is forever affair and you’ll live with the financial choices you make.

No! I would understand if you’re not financially capable to afford a comfortable place. I’d understand that it’s not everyone who moves into their own houses or have it all furnished. I am talking about those who ignorantly or in the quest to impress friends, guests and society, spend so much, unnecessarily costs to make their day a funfare, yet could have saved some costs into furnishing and building their homes. It’s sad joooh. Or doing some other stuff.

What’s more sad is many go into debts, and living the next few months after the fairy-tale wedding paying these debts.

A colleague of mine told me of how his wedding was on all wedding blogs and magazines in town, yet he spent the next one year paying debts and balancing vendors. He said if he would go back to rewind that part of his life, he’d go back to cut unnecessary costs and focus more on his home with his wife. He was telling me this to learn from his story.

Another friend had a society wedding, but had to move into tiny self contained apartment which she told me was so unbearable for her and her hubby. She told me she wished she and her hubby had cut down a lot of their wedding expenses. She was also telling me this to learn from her story. When I paid her a visit, I felt very sorry for her. I couldn’t reconcile the lavish wedding pictures almost on all blogs and wedding websites with the present state they were in.

Remember, the wedding is just a day’s event. Many would forget what you wore and what meat they didn’t eat or what souvenirs they didn’t get. However, for your own home, where you would go back to sleep after the whole paparazzi…how is it? Are you going back to a one bedroom unfurnished flat? Are you going back to using kerosene stoves because you didn’t cut down wedding costs to put your kitchen appliances in place? Are you going back to drinking garri and eating groundnuts because you didn’t think foodstuffs in your kitchen would be necessary?

Think. Think. And think again.

Disclaimer: I didn’t say that having a lavish wedding isn’t good. No! I am appealing that if you must have or fancy a lavish wedding, be sure that your home is properly furnished and comfortable. Please.

  • ~ Omoby, 2017

What do you do with your insecurities?

Your insecurities would ruin your life before its ruins your home.

Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden – of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most – can feel pretty unbearable.

But it’s also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be hell.


People say we have a beautiful relationship and wonder how we have been able to put things together..but we haven’t had it all nice and rossy. He’s done a lot of working in me and helping me to become better.



8 years ago when I started with him, I was an insecure young lady. Insecurities were my second name. Unlike very fundamental issues that split relationships, we had none but there were big lumps of insecurities lurking in my heart and mind which I needed to deal with.

I remember always searching his phone looking for what’s not lost. He would just look at me and shake his head for me. I was finding it very difficult to trust the man I had. Because I didn’t trust myself, I couldn’t trust another. I realised I was hurting myself more because when I searched, I found nothing. The ones that looked like there was something, my insecurities wouldn’t allow me think logically and I’d make a mountain out of a mole hill only to discover that I was the fool by the time my eye cleared.

That’s what insecurities does to you…

One day, we had to sit down and talk about it. I also had to talk sense to myself too because my insecurities were destroying the beautiful relationship we had both built. I was seeing it. I needed none to tell me that it was killing me…and destroying him.

I must confess that, it didn’t go away in a day but I soon learnt to trust the man I am with considering that he’s never lied to me and never given me any reasons to doubt him.

Today, I am at peace with myself. I no longer feel insecure or check his phone in the search for what’s not lost. When I am in doubts, I ask questions. I don’t assume. I can confidently allow him handle his. And he trusts me to handle mine.

I don’t know where this ends but I just employ you to search your heart this year and deal with the root cause of your problems. It was easy to say there was nothing wrong with me, believe such, because the world encourages women to always check their partner’s phone afterall the cliché that all men cheat still holds in many minds, but for me, I knew the problem was with me. I became true to myself, dealt with the problem and now I am free.

So Happy New Year to you all. I am just exited about 2017. Some say this year is “my” year, whatever that means, I don’t know o.


…on the verge of giving up? 

Yesterday, the 9th of November, 2016, I got fully inducted into full membership of my Professional body, the Nigerian Institute of Quantity Surveyors (NIQS). I decided to share my story with you all…to encourage whoever is on the verge of giving up…please read and get encouraged.
I remember how sad I was last year when I got results that I had failed the exams on my first attempt. I remember the tears that so drowned me. How I cried and thought God had abandoned me. I thought of the sacrifices I put into the exam. How I got home late on Sunday night attending tutorials and yet had to resume work the following day. What of all the financial commitments I made?
I thought I had prepared well enough for the examinations and I trusted God to give me good grades. I attended the tutorials and never missed the weekend classes.
It was a sunday morning during thanksgiving in church when I got news that the result were out. I brought out my phone and checked the results. My heart beat harder as I scrolled through the pass list and didn’t see my examination number. I proceeded to check the fail list and didn’t see my number there as well. Well, if I didn’t pass all and I didn’t fail all, it means I had some resits. With a mixture of sadness and joy,  I checked the resit list and saw my number. It had been confirmed. I had two resists.
I got my stuff together and left church. What was I thanking God for anyway with these resists? Shadow of shame and tears enveloped me as I cried my eyes out and walked out of church.
In spite of my tears, I brushed myself up and was determine to rewrite the exams the following year…and even if I wouldn’t make it again, I’ll keep rewriting until my breakthrough comes. I don’t want to look back in the future and wish I didn’t give up. I don’t want to look back in the future and wish I only pushed a little more. I want to look back with content and fulfilment.
The next thing I did was to reach out to similar people who had failed in different endeavours and ask them how they pulled through. I was introduced to a friend who told me she failed hers thrice. Her story gave me the courage to pull through again.
Furthermore, I took responsibility for my failure. I didn’t blame the examination committee. I didn’t blame my job. I didn’t blame God. I didn’t blame my boss. I didn’t blame my colleagues. I didnt blame anyone. I didn’t blame the devil. I told myself my best wasn’t good enough for the examiners.
Owning my mistakes helped me to be bold enough to declare my failures. I saw no shame in hiding my failures. I needed to know what I did wrong that didn’t earn me a pass on my first attempt. I asked a friend who passed all hers, how she answered her questions. Was there something I needed to do? What was it? How can you help me? I also ensured that I tried not to repeat the same mistakes I made. One of such mistakes was answering questions using head-knowledge instead of answering them professionally?
I really don’t know what you’re trying to do which has resulted into failures several times. Please keep pushing at it. Cry all you can. But get up knowing that you’ll try again and again and again. Most importantly, recognizing your mistakes and seek ways not to repeat them.
Last year’s tears has brought this year’s joy.

It’s really sweet to look at how far you’ve come and be proud of yourself. I owe all this to God who gives victory and success. The Bible says except the Lord builds the house, the labourer works in vain.

To God, to whom be all glory, honour and adoration…who made this possible. Who held me and never gave up on me. I am nothing without you!❤💚

To you others who are on the verge of giving up, please don’t. Give it another try. Don’t stop until you achieve your dream. It’s not going to be easy o. But, you’ll be proud of yourself in the long run.

So, you can now refer me to as Omoby, MNIQS. But wait, let me get that PhD first. Lol. Then you can call me Dr. Omoby, MNIQS.

Now, this is what I call “Achievement”!!

..yet to make up your mind?

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you really can not figure out what’s on your guy’s mind? Today you see him…tomorrow you don’t….

I have come across quite a number of intelligent babes, brillant, classy, educated, beautiful, fashionable, local, exposed, whatever. It has cease to amaze me how some just seem to get stuck in relationships that are not going anywhere and are failing to see all the signs the guys are giving them. They are busy dreaming of walking down the aisle with a guy who sees them as just ‘one of those girls’, if you understand what I mean, it doesn’t make them less intelligent or less smart, but only human.

Have you ever being in a relationship where it seems as if you are the only one who’s making effort and the guy keeps coming with one excuse or the other on why he can’t see you tonight. Not just for tonight actually, but he has a thousand and one reasons for not seeing you in 2- 3 weeks and not even tangible reasons to this effect? Don’t we all have one story or the other to tell Prince Charming to whisk us away to the altar?

I have known a lady for quite some time as an Undergraduate, a few years back, she used to practically sing the name of her supposed bobo to all who cared and she spoke of how he promised to make her his bride, take her to England (he lives there anyway), how he couldn’t compare her with anyone else blab la bla. Honestly, as much as I tried, I couldn’t really figure out the kind of relationship that existed between them. There was no issue of him coming to see her because he lived in the UK and she in Nigeria. The guy never called and anytime she did, it was received by his answering machine in his apartment. Although she left several messages on the machine for the bobo to call her back, this bobo never returned her call, not once!

On few occasions when she spoke to him, he always told her how difficult it is to live in England, which he said it’s very difficult to call. It was really obvious that the guy was using this strategy to make her see reasons, but did she get the signs? No! At times, she was becoming so irritating when she began to make excuses for him and I had to tell her she must be a dummy (forgive me) for believing something would come out of their relationship. Some of her excuses ‘ehn, maybe he hasn’t gotten a better job yet, or he may just be getting used to the weather’ huh?😕😕

Listen, if you don’t know anything about relationships know this truth, a normal guy would never make you doubt him or guess his intentions to you, that is to say, if he serious about you, he will let you know immediately.

Please don’t misunderstand me, a guy can court you for 10 years or more without a clear purpose, but one day you will know you are the one after his heart. He sleeps it. He talks it. Dreams it. Sings it and eats it. He wants you to know that he can lay claims to you not wanting to give ears to another guy. In other words, if a guy is in a serious relationship with you, he leaves you with no doubts, no guess work, no excuses, no disappearing acts nor hide and seek game; just pure intentions.

Anything short of this, it’s time to count your losses and move on. Forget all the talk about being busy with his work and having to focus to his career for now. No matter how busy he is or how career minded he is, if he is serious and committed with you, he will go the extra mile to be near you! Get that fact! You will be a major source of inspiration of achieving success in his busy schedule.

If you cannot decode the message a man is passing across to you, through his words, its either you are not listening well or your vision is being blocked by your own wishes and fantasies. Because you fancy him that much, you believe he has to feel the same way about you and if this is not love, what’s love? Sorry, but you need to remember that because it feels good doesn’t mean its good. A typical guy naturally avoids a situation where he has to tell a girl that she is not the right woman for him. But he tries in other non-verbal ways. Failing to turn up when he should, suddenly developing fever on the way he is supposed to meet your family, and having to catch up less important engagements than those with you.

Your heart skips each time, so what? If he feels the same way towards you, great! If not, too bad! Quit waiting for him to discover how much of a perfect pair the two of you will make because the truth is that the relationship only exist in your head!

Finally, do you know that for every guy that leaves you feeling unwanted, there are at least two who would do anything for you to be their woman? Do you know that there is a guy out there who will be so fascinated by your brains, overwhelmed by your natural wellbeing (disable or not), that he would want to stand on the roof top and broadcast to the whole world that you are the woman in his life. If you haven’t meant this guy, believe me, all other relationships are a sheer waste of your time and emotions!

Omoby 2016. (A repost)


Once Upon a Time…

Once upon a time,
We were all like little snooker balls,
Playing around, striking eachother yet clustering back together.
We thought all life was about, was just with us.
We didn’t think life to be iniquitous, complicated and unfair.
We didn’t even know what life meant.

Gradually, life took us on different routes,
Pursuing dissimilar things,
Driving us to singular destinations.
Vehemently making us to say our sad goodbyes.
Few of us tried to bridge the big gap.
Oh! We tried. We fought date and night,
But we realized that too much time has gone away.
Several stuff have been learnt,
Several ideologies and concepts have been formed.
We were nolonger boys and girls of naivety,
But grown men and women with strong philosophies.
Things could just never be the same again.
Water has found its source,
And the friendship so beautiful and young that we shared,
Now filled with thorns and weeds,
With really deep roots.

We’ve found out that it’s easier to make new friends,
On the beliefs that has now formed us,
On the routes we now ply,
On the journey we now embark,
On the path we have found love on,
On the philosophies we now hold so strongly,
Than reconnect to the ones we grew up with.
Because we are nolonger convinced
That the innocence we shared would not have been eroded.
Although some remain,
Only a few of them do, and in places that holds our heart so dear.

But if I could turn the hands of time,
I’d wish that the friendship I had many years, remains so till date.
I would wish that the naivety we shared remains ever fresh.
I would wish that life revolves only around us.
Unfortunately, Manytimes, life doesn’t listen to the desires of our heart.

I write this poem for “YOU!” whose heart burns with the pain of losing your old friend(s).
I dedicate this poem to all my old friends I had at some point in my life, whom life has taken on different routes.


Rocks and Stones…

I remember when I used to be ashamed of my failures. In Part 1 in Uni, a friend asked me of my CGPA, I couldn’t tell the truth so I told him I did well. She was happy with me and told me that she didn’t expect anything less from me anyway. Another senior friend saw my result and bodly declared that nothing good was going to come out of me, further reinforcing my fears and shame. But today, I remember him and just laugh at his statement. Hahahah.😂

When I took my first attempt at my professional examinations and failed, a colleague asked me why I was attending the tutorial classes again. I told him I had few resits and I have to take the modules again. Observing the expression on his face, I think he was shocked because he didn’t think I’d be so bold and blunt to say such. Days later he asked me, “Omoby, how were you so bold to declare that you had failed?, I wouldn’t have been able to say such.”

I realized that I had grown and become better. Omoby in the past would shield her failures from people but here she is declaring to people that she did fail and she’s going to try again.

A senior colleague she saw me in class and asked me same, “Omoby, I know you’re intelligent, what happened?” I paused, then spoke, “Well ma, I did my best, but I think my best wasn’t good enough to have earned me a pass”. She gave me a warm hug.

This brings me to tell you that whatever you’ve failed in isn’t the end of the world. Failure is dissapointing and extremely painful but it isn’t the end of your world…if you’d try again and try again and try again and try again. Cry all you can, but get up knowing that you’d still give it another shot.

Remember, there’s absolutely no shame in your failures.

Remember, failing is not the opposite of succeeding, it’s actually part of success.