The 8 Categories of People you should be wary of when deciding whether to relocate or not.

I attended a training sometime ago in Lagos. During the break session, we all went to have lunch at the dinning room.

Unfortunately, my laptop was having issues and I could not enjoy the meal as much as I would have loved to. While I was having a hard time trying to understand what could be wrong, something else caught my attention that made me put my worries on hold.

One of the facilitators of the training and a female staff were both having discussion and the crux of their discussion got my ears on alert. You know, anywhere I hear “relocation”, my ears are always at attention. I just want to know your thoughts and judge your patriotism😆. If you are having a hard time making a decision, I am very kind to let you into my inner room, make you know about my plans and encourage you. On the other hand, if you badmouth relocating, I keep my mouth shut and just move away.

So this day, I put my worries away and listened. The man was worried about the challenges of relocating. He is an experienced professional in his field and had heard lots of sour stories about those who come here to work menial jobs. He desired a second chance for his family but was really confused.

Perhaps this are your fears too.

The lady he was talking to, apparently hoping she would be able to calm his fears, stated by confirming the stories he heard and how it is true people do menial jobs. She said she knew many professionals who have left their high flying jobs in Nigeria to take up silly jobs here. She went further to say that this country is not as beautiful as others claim to be. Everybody is taxed, life is really hard and how many people are in serious debts. In fact, she even knew one or two who died from terminal diseases here, she knew people who were depressed because of the private culture lived here. She went further to tell him not to relocate because ‘home’, which she meant as Nigeria would always be home.

When I heard “home”, you know like the lines many patriotic Nigerians use, I knew I wanted to know her thoughts on this. True to my curiosity, the facilitator was also interested in same and inquired further.

“Home? But home is where you make home, isn’t it?”. He said curiously.

She went on to say that Nigerians living here are depressed, missing their families and many of them still return back to their homes after everything. She told him she did not understand why he wants to start all over again in a place several others are retiring to go to. It was just safer to stay.

Lunch was now over and we had to go back to class.

I kept all I had heard inside me, set it aside in my brain to accommodate lessons for my training.

After the session, I met the facilitator and told him I needed to speak with him. I confessed and apologized for eavesdropping on his conversation earlier in the day but I heard everything and I wanted him to take the lady’s opinion with a pinch of salt. 😂🤣

He was surprised. His eyes shone in shock. He didn’t expect this.

He asked why. I told him I am getting a second option and as we speak, my application is in process. I told him everyone’s reality is different and all she said does not have to be his. I told him it is true there would be initial teething challenges, but nothing can be compared to living a better life here.

Then I inquired about this lady.

She had spent all her life living here. Infact, she is a citizen of Canada.
She has previous work experience in some big companies in Canada and America.
She returned back to Nigeria, got a job with a top international company in Lagos and earns seven digits monthly.

She has two options. She is both a Canadian and a Nigerian. If Nigeria scatters today, babe would pick her bag and move without a bother.

She is privileged. She enjoys the benefits of both countries; Nigerian and Canada (even though I do not get to see what benefit I enjoy as a Nigerian)😐🙄.

I told him this and I would tell you too.

1. Be careful of those who tell you not to leave. Some of them have made money in their prime, fed fat, enjoyed the benefit of a developed country and just wanna retire back to Nigeria.

The same reason they left for a country that gave them the opportunity to maximise their potentials, and wanna retire back to Nigeria is the same reason you should think of going to a country that enables you to maximize your potentials while still in your prime so that someday, you’ll retire successfully too.

2. Be careful of people who already hold dual citizenship and tell you not to relocate. They have two options. If a war is declared in Nigeria tomorrow, they are safe while you are not. The Canadian or American government would secure them. You think Buhari knows you? Better use your own head.😜🤣

3. I have seen posts of those advocating “home is home’, “I love Nigeria”, “I die in Nigeria”…come to my inbox ask me how to relocate. Know that many people are closest hypocrites. They secretly spend millions to have their kids abroad, all their children school abroad, yet tell you not to relocate. The culture in Nigeria encourages people to hide information from others. They’d never let you know what they do. Never think that the person who chants “I love my country, Nigeria” , “Nigeria would be great again” isn’t doing something to better themselves. It’s their way of hiding the truth from you. I have signed an oath of confidentiality since I started this ministry, you for see proof yourself.🤐🙄

4. Reality is that some people are very uncomfortable with taking risks. They are not bad people. They are just those who would just do nothing even if you bring a pen to them to sign their citizenship. They seem very comfortable in their comfort zone and can’t imagine doing anything that takes them out out of it. If you allow their unbothered attitude to decide your fate, who is open to taking risks, you are on your own. Na you go wear your shoe. Na you the shoe go pinch.

5. This category are quite special. They’ve tried to relocate and failed. They have accepted their fate and even believed that the ‘miracle door of the abroad’ is forever closed on them, that their destiny and the abroad aren’t compatible, two parallel lines that can never meet. Thus, they’ve come up with the illusion that Nigeria is working for them. Maybe it is, maybe it is not, but what they are really trying to do is to console themselves in their own misery. Somehow, because they have tried something and failed, they look for ways to justify their sorrows. While I sympathize with them, please be careful of this kind of people. Don’t let them rub their misery on you. Be extremely discerning.

6. Some other people just wanna come here on holidays and return back. They have stakes in government. They have good business ties. They are making millions maybe even billions in naira. They have secured jobs. Life seems good. They have enough money to live a comfortable life in Nigeria, be their own local, state and federal government. You wey get great potential, age dey your side but no get money to even buy data, dey listen to them…continu.🤣

7. I really like this kind of people. Many religious sanctimonious Nigerians sit pretty on this table. This lots believe that God must come down from heaven and appear to them in a vision before they take this step. They would use the Bible to manipulate others into thinking God would never forgive you for relocating…and immediately you get here, God has closed his door of provision over your life.

They say you must fast and wait upon the Lord for forty days and nights in order to hear something like, “Omoby, my beloved daughter. I have made the land of Nigeria flowing with milk and honey for you. Your fate and destiny is in Nigeria. You are not going to make breakthrough anywhere else”… you know…that kind of response that comes in a vision, a large cloud, accompanied by angel Michael and Gabriel and all the 24 elders.

While it is true that God speaks to us in several ways concerning certain decisions of our lives, remember, God is also everywhere and He can bless you anywhere. He’d hold nothing against you. He knows you’re genuinely trying to survive in this world. Also, you are your own sign and voice. God would never come down to tell you to relocate or stay. You make the choice. You determine the path of your life. Your destiny is in your own hands.

8. The last category. They’re people who have never been dealt with the hard blow of the Nigerian system and may never be. They’ve not had a close relative, friend or family member who died from an unavoidable cause in Nigeria. Unlike Desmond Elliot and some people I know, they don’t have children with special needs. Nobody they know has died due to the decayed Nigerian health system, dearth of infrastructure facilities or reckless shooting of a police official, hence its impossible for them to relate. They’re not very rich, yet not poor, but haven’t had that experience that reveals to them how rotten the Nigerian system is; that close shave of death. Life seems to be just fair with them. If you allow them decide your fate, you who Nigeria has shown pepper, na una sabi o.

***
Need I mention that my facilitator I talked to, keyed into this vision, has since been recruited into our association; Association of Unpatriotic Nigerians Living in Diaspora (AUNLID) and he and his family are super grateful to me that I was very open with him about my plans. He tells me that I’m a different kind because the norm is for people to hide what they do from others. I am aware that this is what makes me different. 😍

The seed of faith I planted in him has germinated more fruits as he has gone on to recruit more people.

Please don’t me wrong. This post ONLY refers to those who desire second options. It its okay if you wanna stay and build the Nigeria of your dreams. I just hope this would happen in your lifetime. We wey no get faith and time don commot.

***

About to Wed?

In a bid not to appear hateful or jealous, I really want to appeal to would-be couples to please cut cost on wedding expenses and focus on building your home together: making it comfortable and worth living for you both. Buy a car. Get your apartment tastefully furnished. Buy foodstuffs in your kitchen. Think beyond the wedding day. When all guests are gone, where would you be heading to? A hut? A cave? A mansion? A home? A shed?

For me, it’s extremely pathetic when I see couples have lavish wedding, yet move into a tiny one bedroom apartment with just a mattress and a wrapper as curtains. For some, the days after the wedding starts a life of misery and penury. It’s sad.

Forget about the talk of wedding being a “once in a lifetime” affair and you want to break the bank, run into debts and go all the way. Do you know your Marriage is forever affair and you’ll live with the financial choices you make.

No! I would understand if you’re not financially capable to afford a comfortable place. I’d understand that it’s not everyone who moves into their own houses or have it all furnished. I am talking about those who ignorantly or in the quest to impress friends, guests and society, spend so much, unnecessarily costs to make their day a funfare, yet could have saved some costs into furnishing and building their homes. It’s sad joooh. Or doing some other stuff.

What’s more sad is many go into debts, and living the next few months after the fairy-tale wedding paying these debts.

A colleague of mine told me of how his wedding was on all wedding blogs and magazines in town, yet he spent the next one year paying debts and balancing vendors. He said if he would go back to rewind that part of his life, he’d go back to cut unnecessary costs and focus more on his home with his wife. He was telling me this to learn from his story.

Another friend had a society wedding, but had to move into tiny self contained apartment which she told me was so unbearable for her and her hubby. She told me she wished she and her hubby had cut down a lot of their wedding expenses. She was also telling me this to learn from her story. When I paid her a visit, I felt very sorry for her. I couldn’t reconcile the lavish wedding pictures almost on all blogs and wedding websites with the present state they were in.

Remember, the wedding is just a day’s event. Many would forget what you wore and what meat they didn’t eat or what souvenirs they didn’t get. However, for your own home, where you would go back to sleep after the whole paparazzi…how is it? Are you going back to a one bedroom unfurnished flat? Are you going back to using kerosene stoves because you didn’t cut down wedding costs to put your kitchen appliances in place? Are you going back to drinking garri and eating groundnuts because you didn’t think foodstuffs in your kitchen would be necessary?

Think. Think. And think again.

Disclaimer: I didn’t say that having a lavish wedding isn’t good. No! I am appealing that if you must have or fancy a lavish wedding, be sure that your home is properly furnished and comfortable. Please.

  • ~ Omoby, 2017

What do you do with your insecurities?

Your insecurities would ruin your life before its ruins your home.

Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden – of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most – can feel pretty unbearable.

But it’s also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be hell.

 

People say we have a beautiful relationship and wonder how we have been able to put things together..but we haven’t had it all nice and rossy. He’s done a lot of working in me and helping me to become better.

download

 

8 years ago when I started with him, I was an insecure young lady. Insecurities were my second name. Unlike very fundamental issues that split relationships, we had none but there were big lumps of insecurities lurking in my heart and mind which I needed to deal with.

I remember always searching his phone looking for what’s not lost. He would just look at me and shake his head for me. I was finding it very difficult to trust the man I had. Because I didn’t trust myself, I couldn’t trust another. I realised I was hurting myself more because when I searched, I found nothing. The ones that looked like there was something, my insecurities wouldn’t allow me think logically and I’d make a mountain out of a mole hill only to discover that I was the fool by the time my eye cleared.

That’s what insecurities does to you…

One day, we had to sit down and talk about it. I also had to talk sense to myself too because my insecurities were destroying the beautiful relationship we had both built. I was seeing it. I needed none to tell me that it was killing me…and destroying him.

I must confess that, it didn’t go away in a day but I soon learnt to trust the man I am with considering that he’s never lied to me and never given me any reasons to doubt him.

Today, I am at peace with myself. I no longer feel insecure or check his phone in the search for what’s not lost. When I am in doubts, I ask questions. I don’t assume. I can confidently allow him handle his. And he trusts me to handle mine.

I don’t know where this ends but I just employ you to search your heart this year and deal with the root cause of your problems. It was easy to say there was nothing wrong with me, believe such, because the world encourages women to always check their partner’s phone afterall the cliché that all men cheat still holds in many minds, but for me, I knew the problem was with me. I became true to myself, dealt with the problem and now I am free.

So Happy New Year to you all. I am just exited about 2017. Some say this year is “my” year, whatever that means, I don’t know o.

~ ALL.RIGHTS RESERVED

…on the verge of giving up? 

Yesterday, the 9th of November, 2016, I got fully inducted into full membership of my Professional body, the Nigerian Institute of Quantity Surveyors (NIQS). I decided to share my story with you all…to encourage whoever is on the verge of giving up…please read and get encouraged.
I remember how sad I was last year when I got results that I had failed the exams on my first attempt. I remember the tears that so drowned me. How I cried and thought God had abandoned me. I thought of the sacrifices I put into the exam. How I got home late on Sunday night attending tutorials and yet had to resume work the following day. What of all the financial commitments I made?
I thought I had prepared well enough for the examinations and I trusted God to give me good grades. I attended the tutorials and never missed the weekend classes.
It was a sunday morning during thanksgiving in church when I got news that the result were out. I brought out my phone and checked the results. My heart beat harder as I scrolled through the pass list and didn’t see my examination number. I proceeded to check the fail list and didn’t see my number there as well. Well, if I didn’t pass all and I didn’t fail all, it means I had some resits. With a mixture of sadness and joy,  I checked the resit list and saw my number. It had been confirmed. I had two resists.
I got my stuff together and left church. What was I thanking God for anyway with these resists? Shadow of shame and tears enveloped me as I cried my eyes out and walked out of church.
In spite of my tears, I brushed myself up and was determine to rewrite the exams the following year…and even if I wouldn’t make it again, I’ll keep rewriting until my breakthrough comes. I don’t want to look back in the future and wish I didn’t give up. I don’t want to look back in the future and wish I only pushed a little more. I want to look back with content and fulfilment.
The next thing I did was to reach out to similar people who had failed in different endeavours and ask them how they pulled through. I was introduced to a friend who told me she failed hers thrice. Her story gave me the courage to pull through again.
Furthermore, I took responsibility for my failure. I didn’t blame the examination committee. I didn’t blame my job. I didn’t blame God. I didn’t blame my boss. I didn’t blame my colleagues. I didnt blame anyone. I didn’t blame the devil. I told myself my best wasn’t good enough for the examiners.
Owning my mistakes helped me to be bold enough to declare my failures. I saw no shame in hiding my failures. I needed to know what I did wrong that didn’t earn me a pass on my first attempt. I asked a friend who passed all hers, how she answered her questions. Was there something I needed to do? What was it? How can you help me? I also ensured that I tried not to repeat the same mistakes I made. One of such mistakes was answering questions using head-knowledge instead of answering them professionally?
I really don’t know what you’re trying to do which has resulted into failures several times. Please keep pushing at it. Cry all you can. But get up knowing that you’ll try again and again and again. Most importantly, recognizing your mistakes and seek ways not to repeat them.
Last year’s tears has brought this year’s joy.

It’s really sweet to look at how far you’ve come and be proud of yourself. I owe all this to God who gives victory and success. The Bible says except the Lord builds the house, the labourer works in vain.

To God, to whom be all glory, honour and adoration…who made this possible. Who held me and never gave up on me. I am nothing without you!❤💚

To you others who are on the verge of giving up, please don’t. Give it another try. Don’t stop until you achieve your dream. It’s not going to be easy o. But, you’ll be proud of yourself in the long run.

So, you can now refer me to as Omoby, MNIQS. But wait, let me get that PhD first. Lol. Then you can call me Dr. Omoby, MNIQS.

Now, this is what I call “Achievement”!!

..yet to make up your mind?

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you really can not figure out what’s on your guy’s mind? Today you see him…tomorrow you don’t….

I have come across quite a number of intelligent babes, brillant, classy, educated, beautiful, fashionable, local, exposed, whatever. It has cease to amaze me how some just seem to get stuck in relationships that are not going anywhere and are failing to see all the signs the guys are giving them. They are busy dreaming of walking down the aisle with a guy who sees them as just ‘one of those girls’, if you understand what I mean, it doesn’t make them less intelligent or less smart, but only human.

Have you ever being in a relationship where it seems as if you are the only one who’s making effort and the guy keeps coming with one excuse or the other on why he can’t see you tonight. Not just for tonight actually, but he has a thousand and one reasons for not seeing you in 2- 3 weeks and not even tangible reasons to this effect? Don’t we all have one story or the other to tell Prince Charming to whisk us away to the altar?

I have known a lady for quite some time as an Undergraduate, a few years back, she used to practically sing the name of her supposed bobo to all who cared and she spoke of how he promised to make her his bride, take her to England (he lives there anyway), how he couldn’t compare her with anyone else blab la bla. Honestly, as much as I tried, I couldn’t really figure out the kind of relationship that existed between them. There was no issue of him coming to see her because he lived in the UK and she in Nigeria. The guy never called and anytime she did, it was received by his answering machine in his apartment. Although she left several messages on the machine for the bobo to call her back, this bobo never returned her call, not once!

On few occasions when she spoke to him, he always told her how difficult it is to live in England, which he said it’s very difficult to call. It was really obvious that the guy was using this strategy to make her see reasons, but did she get the signs? No! At times, she was becoming so irritating when she began to make excuses for him and I had to tell her she must be a dummy (forgive me) for believing something would come out of their relationship. Some of her excuses ‘ehn, maybe he hasn’t gotten a better job yet, or he may just be getting used to the weather’ huh?😕😕

Listen, if you don’t know anything about relationships know this truth, a normal guy would never make you doubt him or guess his intentions to you, that is to say, if he serious about you, he will let you know immediately.

Please don’t misunderstand me, a guy can court you for 10 years or more without a clear purpose, but one day you will know you are the one after his heart. He sleeps it. He talks it. Dreams it. Sings it and eats it. He wants you to know that he can lay claims to you not wanting to give ears to another guy. In other words, if a guy is in a serious relationship with you, he leaves you with no doubts, no guess work, no excuses, no disappearing acts nor hide and seek game; just pure intentions.

Anything short of this, it’s time to count your losses and move on. Forget all the talk about being busy with his work and having to focus to his career for now. No matter how busy he is or how career minded he is, if he is serious and committed with you, he will go the extra mile to be near you! Get that fact! You will be a major source of inspiration of achieving success in his busy schedule.

If you cannot decode the message a man is passing across to you, through his words, its either you are not listening well or your vision is being blocked by your own wishes and fantasies. Because you fancy him that much, you believe he has to feel the same way about you and if this is not love, what’s love? Sorry, but you need to remember that because it feels good doesn’t mean its good. A typical guy naturally avoids a situation where he has to tell a girl that she is not the right woman for him. But he tries in other non-verbal ways. Failing to turn up when he should, suddenly developing fever on the way he is supposed to meet your family, and having to catch up less important engagements than those with you.

Your heart skips each time, so what? If he feels the same way towards you, great! If not, too bad! Quit waiting for him to discover how much of a perfect pair the two of you will make because the truth is that the relationship only exist in your head!

Finally, do you know that for every guy that leaves you feeling unwanted, there are at least two who would do anything for you to be their woman? Do you know that there is a guy out there who will be so fascinated by your brains, overwhelmed by your natural wellbeing (disable or not), that he would want to stand on the roof top and broadcast to the whole world that you are the woman in his life. If you haven’t meant this guy, believe me, all other relationships are a sheer waste of your time and emotions!

Omoby 2016. (A repost)

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Once Upon a Time…

Once upon a time,
We were all like little snooker balls,
Playing around, striking eachother yet clustering back together.
We thought all life was about, was just with us.
We didn’t think life to be iniquitous, complicated and unfair.
We didn’t even know what life meant.

Gradually, life took us on different routes,
Pursuing dissimilar things,
Driving us to singular destinations.
Vehemently making us to say our sad goodbyes.
Few of us tried to bridge the big gap.
Oh! We tried. We fought date and night,
But we realized that too much time has gone away.
Several stuff have been learnt,
Several ideologies and concepts have been formed.
We were nolonger boys and girls of naivety,
But grown men and women with strong philosophies.
Things could just never be the same again.
Water has found its source,
And the friendship so beautiful and young that we shared,
Now filled with thorns and weeds,
With really deep roots.

We’ve found out that it’s easier to make new friends,
On the beliefs that has now formed us,
On the routes we now ply,
On the journey we now embark,
On the path we have found love on,
On the philosophies we now hold so strongly,
Than reconnect to the ones we grew up with.
Because we are nolonger convinced
That the innocence we shared would not have been eroded.
Although some remain,
Only a few of them do, and in places that holds our heart so dear.

But if I could turn the hands of time,
I’d wish that the friendship I had many years, remains so till date.
I would wish that the naivety we shared remains ever fresh.
I would wish that life revolves only around us.
Unfortunately, Manytimes, life doesn’t listen to the desires of our heart.

I write this poem for “YOU!” whose heart burns with the pain of losing your old friend(s).
AND
I dedicate this poem to all my old friends I had at some point in my life, whom life has taken on different routes.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Omoby, 2016

Rocks and Stones…

I remember when I used to be ashamed of my failures. In Part 1 in Uni, a friend asked me of my CGPA, I couldn’t tell the truth so I told him I did well. She was happy with me and told me that she didn’t expect anything less from me anyway. Another senior friend saw my result and bodly declared that nothing good was going to come out of me, further reinforcing my fears and shame. But today, I remember him and just laugh at his statement. Hahahah.😂

When I took my first attempt at my professional examinations and failed, a colleague asked me why I was attending the tutorial classes again. I told him I had few resits and I have to take the modules again. Observing the expression on his face, I think he was shocked because he didn’t think I’d be so bold and blunt to say such. Days later he asked me, “Omoby, how were you so bold to declare that you had failed?, I wouldn’t have been able to say such.”

I realized that I had grown and become better. Omoby in the past would shield her failures from people but here she is declaring to people that she did fail and she’s going to try again.

A senior colleague she saw me in class and asked me same, “Omoby, I know you’re intelligent, what happened?” I paused, then spoke, “Well ma, I did my best, but I think my best wasn’t good enough to have earned me a pass”. She gave me a warm hug.

This brings me to tell you that whatever you’ve failed in isn’t the end of the world. Failure is dissapointing and extremely painful but it isn’t the end of your world…if you’d try again and try again and try again and try again. Cry all you can, but get up knowing that you’d still give it another shot.

Remember, there’s absolutely no shame in your failures.

Remember, failing is not the opposite of succeeding, it’s actually part of success.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, Omoby, 2016

Frienemies…??

‘Omoby, my wedding date has been fixed now!’ Tani came jumping to me announcing her wedding date. She brimed with somuch joy and I couldn’t wish for anything better as this for her. Marriage has always been her top priority. Now her dreams have come true. I was happy for her.

‘You know who he is, now?’ She jocked. Obviously she was pulling my legs.

‘Lol. Why wouldn’t I know who he was? Charles!! Charles who chased Tani for 3 years before she decided to give him a yes. Charles who went extramiles to get Tani’s attention. Mehn, if I were a guy, I doubt I’d be this patient and when she eventually did say ‘yes’ to him, it was like she couldn’t let him go. She was all over him. Monitoring his movements, checking his phone chats etc…I would always ‘lol’ at her asking what exactly she was looking for. I also remember telling tani to consider him because he was very generous and he was a man I knew had a genuine heart for God. Although he was 4 years older than both of us, He had a great sense of humour. He loved Tani deeply, I knew it.

I knew Tani would get married before me. Charles was ready, wasn’t he? And Tani had always wanted to get married early. Tani had an older sister who wasnt married yet. Fortunately, her parents weren’t those who cared whether the youngest one married before the other…and all her sisters, were the most supportive of her relationship and her wedding plans. Not many people were such fortunate. Indeed Tani has been a woman of great favor! I was truly and deeply happy for her.

I brimmed with excitements as Tani relayed to me everything that would happen on her day. She talked of her dress, shoes, invitation cards and especially her wedding dress. I always offered my ears to listen. I think there was this thing about brides who always liked to share details of their wedding events with everyone.

******three weeks later******

Something was missing. Tani hadn’t yet told me about her bridemaids nor who would be her Chief. I was a bit puzzled but I waved it aside. What she would want them to wear? I knew every bride’s dream is to have ladies in lovely dresses that would had colour and glamour to her day. I didn’t even know what colour they were wearing. But I could guess. Orange was tani’s best colour. What could match Orange if she’d choose that? Lemon? Peach?

So I decided to ask her.

‘I know I am gonna be your chief bride’s maid right?! Wow! What am I gonna wear? Let’s see. We could check out magazines and see what would be befitting for me. What do you think?’

Tani gave me a blank look. If I were more sensitive, I should have noticed something…and as I picked up my phone to check Nigerian websites of all bridesmaids dresses, Tani said…

‘You know what Omoby, I have to quickly pick up something. I’d call you later’

‘But we were just about going through what I’d wear now?’ I inquired, a bit confused.

‘Oh, don’t worry about that. I’d sort it out for you. Trust me now, I know exactly what you want and how you want it. You’ve always been a size 6’, she smiled.

She was right. Tani knew everything about me. She knew what could possibly best fit me. She knew somuch about me. We’ve been roommates since our 2nd year in Uni. In our 3year, Charles got her a new flat and so she moved out. Occasionally, I spent few nights with her only when she requested I come.

What of the price and all? How would I know how much I am supposed to pay? I reasoned she didn’t want to bother me.

Tani also knew about my relationship with Bode even though she had always asked me when we both gonna  get married. She had expressed fears about our 8years relationship. She said she couldn’t possibly wait for a guy forever. Well, that’s why we are both different. I believe in Bode. I know he’s true and hardworking. He may not have been as fortunate as her Charles, but I know someday ‘luck’ would smile on him.

********** few days later *********

‘Heyyy sis! You know what? Omoby now said she wants to be my Chief! Imagine! Huh?’ She gave the disgust smiley’

‘You kidding me right? Did you ask her yourself?’

‘You know I wouldn’t have asked her. I mean, couldn’t she have been so sensitive to know that I discussed everything except that. She hissed.

‘Lol. She’s only been a friend. Anyway what did you tell her?’

‘What could I have done? I obliged her now but I’d feel so bad to have her be behind me. I don’t want to see her face at all on my wedding day. I sound ridiculous but that’s how I feel!’

‘Oh yeah! You are ridiculous! You don’t seem to like her as much as she does, right? But hey, you said she has her exams now. Is she gonna skip them for your wedding or what? Who does that?’

‘I don’t know honestly. But looks like she’s willing too. Who skips exams for someone else’s wedding. Not for someone who doesn’t want you anyway…’

‘You should have told her you have already picked your chief now’

‘ What was I supposed to say?’ ‘Oh no Moby, sorry…you can’t be my Chief. If she has been sensitive, she should know I didn’t want her. Honestly sis, I just don’t want her desperate face on my wedding day. She’d really just disgust me.

‘It must be that bad I must say. Then you’ve got to find something to do about it. Have you told Tolu and Tola yet?’ Tolu and Tola were older sisters of Tani.

‘No not yet. But I can predict their answers. Omoby is just very desperate. I am sure she never thought I could get married before her. I mean, she’s been courting her ‘church rat boyfriend’ for the past 8 years and the guy hasn’t proposed yet. I don’t want her ill-luck to rub off on my day’ she scorned. I think she just never thought I could get married to Charles.

‘Lol. You’re funny Tani. Don’t be this mean. Anyway, let’s chat later. I’d give you a call then we could find a way around this’

‘Okay sis, thanks for listening. I’d expect your call. Love always.

What??? Were my eyes seeing clearly? Was I dreaming? Was this tani? My very own Tani? Tani whom I shared a bed with? Tani whom I made excuses for?

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Hot tears rolled down my eyes as I read the conversation chats with Tani and her sister. I was too shocked to utter a single word. I cried like I had never cried before. Wiping the tears with the back of my palms…I sat and thought again…’So Tani thought she ill about me? She referred to Bode as church-rat? Things would get better for Bode oooo. I thought I was been a friend when I asked if I could be her chief bride’s maid. I thought I showed genuine interest in been part of your day? This decision was  greatest mistake of my life. Tani? You dare mean that my face would disgust you on your day? Your day I thought was mine as well? You dare think I am jealous of you? Who talks of getting married before 26? Who says it doesn’t matter to get your hands doing something before Marriage? Who prays of Marriage like its a do or die? And when Charles came along? Who was there for you, listening and praying when you couldn’t make a choice? Have I ever made it appear to you that I am sad/jealous about you or your relationship? When you told me Charles got a new job, wasn’t I genuinely happy for you both? What of when you told me he just did his house warming, didn’t we both go together for the ceremony? Even when he got you a flat in town, who skipped lectures to help you wash your apartment?

And so…that’s how I found out.

Tani was a friend. I loved her with all my heart. Yorubas say ‘we know those we love but we don’t know those who love us’ I could vouch for Tani anywhere and with anyone. I loved her genuinely. I called her a ‘best friend’ I called her a sister I never had. Her conversations with her sister shook the marrow out of me.

Her wedding is next weekend and I am seriously considering if I should attend. Oh lest I forget, I eventually opted out from been her Chief Bride’s Maid.  I told her since I had paid for my exams, I wouldn’t want to resist for it next year. I wasn’t read to make sacrifices for someone who thought so evil of me.

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Hard and bitter, I learnt my lessons.

“Omoby, don’t go asking anyone if you wanna be on their train or if you wanna be the Chief. Not anyone!!”

Photo Credits: Google.

THE END

All rights reserved, Omoby 2016


Is ‘JUJU’ real?

Sometime ago, when I used to be very nice on the streets of Lagos, I was given the “welcome to Lagos” treat.

It was both an horrifying and ugly experience that opened my eyes to the ills of this world.

I am talking about the kind that leaves you like you just watched a Nollywood movie. The spell bound kind…The Africa Magic Yoruba one. Popularly called ‘black man juju’

jujuman

Here it goes.

I was on the National Youth Service Corps that year going back home from work that evening. I lived with my aunty with her hubby.
The kind me, not anymore though…tried to answer a man who needed descriptions for a particular place. Yemkem. This guy explained that he needed to sell a drug quickly to get money for his mum’s ailing health and Yemkem is the only place he could get to sell it for a good price. Oh! I felt sorry for him and considering all the stress he’d have gone through coming all the way from Ijebu Ode. I listened to him and waited to hear him out.

I told him that I used to see Yemkem on the other side if the road, he can go and check. But while I made to continue my way, I noticed another, say B, coming from the service lane saying that we should help him since the first man, A, had said he was knew none in Lagos…that was where the jazz took effect. I’d explain why I call it jazz. 😀 😀 as I continue in my story. This guy said he knew somebody that could buy the drug From A and we should kindly assist. Nice Omoby thought I was doing somebody a favour.

And so we walked o…we walked…and walked. I was new in Lagos. I didn’t know we walked until we got to Idiaraba almost an hour after LUTH. But I noticed that each time I tried to catch up with man B, the one who came as a solicitor for A, he’d tell me to just walk behind him. A was really walking slower…like he was completely depressed.

We eventually got there. We met the guy, C, who was to buy the drug from A. He said he was an herbalist. The place looked dirty and so unkempt. Like all those ghettos I had only seen on TV.

Note that A never showed me the drug sef or whatever he called it. It was in a small bottle. As C saw the three of us, he told us he was an herbalist and he’d buy the drugs but first of all we’ve got to do some stuffs. He now started saying all the things A had told me about his mother. How his mother is ill and he has come to sell a drug to him. My jazzed mind was shocked because I wondered how he knew. C continued and said that because he met B and I on the road, we’ve already been indicted with trouble or the diseases of the mother except we cleanse ourselves.
He also said something to A which he confirmed to be true. At this point, I was scared. Fear took control of my faculties. B was acting troubled as well and saying that he only wanted to assist. He didn’t think A would do him this harm.

C continued and told B and I to drop all we had. I dropped my phones: three of them. He asked if I had money on me, I told him I had 4K, he told me to drop it. I did. I don’t remember if B did same but he was acting like he did. C also made me drop my wallets and my bank cards. He told me he’d have to speak to the Oracle to find out if everything about all he said about us are true. He did. He rubbed a big stone in my tummy and opened his hands, the stone was no more. He also did some magic which according to him meant that I/we was/were in trouble except I cleanse all the money on earth that I have. I was already thinking of how to get money to cleanse o.

Finally, they made me speak some rubbish and in them reveal my ATM codes. I noticed here that B said his codes were 2222. It didn’t occur to me that something was wrong. They asked if it was for both cards. I said yeah! Truth is, it was!

Now filled with fear and completely out of my senses, they told me I have to cleanse all money I have and bring back whether in the bank or not. My mind was already thinking of the money my folks had for my Msc school fees to England and others. I told them I had lots of money but I’d have to go to Ibadan to get them. You see why I said it was jazz?

He gave me frightening instructions of coming back after I have gotten the money. C told me I’d die within 4 hours if I don’t and I have been monitored. He also performed some live magic which were real o. I wonder how it was done. He, C, have B same instructions as well.

Before then, my ATM cards had been taken away from me. My phones and money. I was only given 200naira to hurry and come back. I was like a dunze!

And off “we” (B and I) both went to look for money. I remember asking B if we could first of all go to his house and collect all his money then go to my house to get mine. Chaiiiiiiii. Foolish me. He objected. I thought it was my cross and I needed to bear it alone.

On my way, I was thinking of all the money I needed to bring back to him. I thought of the hours I had left and if I didn’t come back early how I was just going to die. I had been warned not to tell anyone. I thought of my folks in Ibadan and how I was gonna convince them to give me their money as well.

I got home and made way to my aunty and uncle’s room. Prior to this event, my Granddad who lives in England had come back to see his children: my dad and aunty. He came with money. I saw the large bundle of pounds and I as drawned to take it away. I took some of my aunty’s jewelleries and packed it in the plastic bag I was given. I was checking the time. I still had time. I looked around searching for more money but didn’t see. I reasoned that it was enough anyway.

Then suddenly something happened. I heard a voice. A subtle voice…kind and gentle.

” Omoby, wouldn’t you be stealing if you take your aunty’s jewelleries and that money?”. I shoved it aside. The voice continued “You know your aunty could send you packing?” I froze and made attempt to return the money. I looked at the empty bag and said “Well, since I can’t take the money, it means I’d die in 4 hours. I need to tell somebody about this so that my family know what killed me”

I ran back to the bus top and made plans to call him having it in mind to tell him that I saw some money and jewelleries but couldn’t take it as well. This guy had given me N200 for transport back home and money to give him a call when coming back.

“Hello, it’s me. The lady you took her stuffs from. I am coming back to get them. How do I get to your place?”

“Oh okay. I remember. Do you have the money and gold with you?”

“Don’t say anything!” The voice warned sternly!

I murmured something and hung the call. He was expecting me back.

I thought. Who do I tell I just had 3 hours now to live? I thought of going to my aunty’s office, but she worked on the island. I’d have been dead before I get to her office considering Lagos traffic. My uncle worked on the Island as well. I thought of my friend Funmi. She’d have close from work and lived in Ipaja. I’d be dead before I get to her house. Someone needed to tell my folks that I only had few hours to live o. Who? Who? What do I do?

Anyway, I got in the bus going to Ojuelegba. He told me I needed to board that before getting to Idiaraba where we were taken to. While in the bus, I thought of explaining to somebody. But nobody knows my parents and how to get to them now?

The voice again.

“You needed to tell somebody you were going to die right? Get down here at Ojuelegba and walk to your bobo’s place. He just lives down the road”

With no plans to alight or remembering that I had somebody close by, I did as I was told. I got down and raced to my bobo’s house with the fastest legs I could walk with. Yaaaaayyy! I was excited. I trusted that he’d give my message to my parents and family and tell them what killed me o.

He was shocked at the sight he saw me. I looked like a mad woman. My hair was all up and scattered, my clothes were rumbled and rough and I was completely in an insane state. He asked me what happened. I told him there was no time for questions yet, can he just call my folks and tell them I had less than 45 minutes to die? The bobo was shocked! He didn’t understand what I was talking about. He got back inside spending snot 20 minutes in there. I was worried. I don’t have enough time. I was given only 4 hours from then. Please kindly call home and tell them. When he came out, he was accompanied by his older brother and wife.
They told me to rest and gave me some water to drink. They told me I had just been given the “welcome to Lagos package”! I had been jazzed! They went further to ask what other things were taken from me…it was at that point I remembered that they took my phones: three of them and the ATM codes for the two banks I operated with. Everything and my surroundings began to make sense to me again.

By the time we could reach through to the customer care of Access Bank, the account that had a large chuck of my savings, (110,000.00), it was confirmed that the money had been deducted. That money was all my alawee savings I had wanted to use to buy a Laptop knowing I was going for my Msc programme the following year. We tried to also call the customer care of UBA which had 10,000.00 on it. The lady confirmed the money had been deducted hours ago.

That was how I was hypnotized or jazzed and everything taken from me. I am not a nice person on the streets of Lagos anymore, driving or walking. Regardless of the kind of help you need: genuine or not, I don’t give you a second look or listen to what you wanna say. I keep moving. Do you blame me?

THE END

Photo credits: Google

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Omoby, 2016

 

Three Men. Three Personalities. Three Lessons.

3Guys

Meet Kunle (Not real names)

Kunle was in Part 5 while I was in Part 2. I got to the department that morning and saw final year students were having a class. I walked past the corridor and that was where I spotted him. Tall, lanky and not the average handsome guy. The first thought that came to my mind was why he was by the passage while his mates were in class. I dismissed the thought immediately, afterall it was none of my business.

Few weeks later, I met him around the department and without wasting time, he said he’s being noticing me around the department. According to him, he got attracted to my slim figure and he couldn’t resist talking to me. Anyway, he asked me for a relationship for which I  disagreed instantly. My reasons were, One he was ugly (Lord, I am sorry. I shouldn’t call anyone ugly, but he was.) and two, there was just something quite appalling about him. I think it was the fact that he did not seem to take his studies seriously. I did not like that. I had a reputation of been one of the serious students in class who would always be punctual to class, never miss tests and would always read my notes prior to the next class. I did not bother praying about this guy. I logically reasoned that my heavenly father would not give me a guy who did not appear serious with his academics. ‘Didn’t the Bible say whatever your hands findeth to do, should be done with all thy might?’

I was going to the department on another day when I walked past his class again, this time they were writing a test. I looked through and saw Kunle spying into another’s work. Good God! So Kunle could not even sit for a mere exam? Anyway, that ended everything. I couldn’t imagine dating a guy who lacked simple morals to face a mere examination. That was it! I saw him no more and I disallowed him anywhere around me. I acted this way because among his friends because rumors had it that he has found me as his next fish. He had a bad reputation of hitting on girls, particularly lower levels.

Exactly three years later, Kunle was back. Ha! At this time, he was out of school and I was in my final year. He came to write his professional examinations and needed our usual BESMM manual which I had. At this time, I had grown much smarter and wiser. Asides that I was now in a relationship, I knew that nothing was going change my mind. He told me how he still has feelings for me and it took him 3 years to know for certain it is me he wants. Anyway, I told him I was now dating somebody and I have no intentions to double date. He rebuffed me by saying afterall the guy hadn’t put a ring on my finger. Oh really? Should that be a valid reason to date you, Uncle? Well, he just proved to me again that his values were questionable and I had no intention of having a guy who thought it was okay to double date. I told him the ‘no’ I gave him three years ago remains the same. To further impress me, Kunle would buy gifts for me but I would reject them all. I was never trained to collect gifts from men whom I had nothing to do with them. That was the end. I think he realized what precious time of his he was wasting realizing that he could get any girl he wanted. Cabish brother! You move ahead! I would not be your prey. Thank you!

Today: Kunle is married with a daughter. I sometimes imagine the emotional stress and trauma the young wife would be going through considering that Kunle is still has promiscuous as ever. I hear he has stepped up his game to a another level. I know this because we work in the same industry. Talks fly around of his dirty escapades and how he runs about with anything under skirt. Woman, I dont envy you! Carry your cross!

If I gotten married to him: I knew I would constantly be worried-sick about his numerous women he would be tied to. He would never give me peace of mind. Kunle would chase everything in skirt, trousers, tops and wrappers. Unfortunately, been married to a man like that often lives women battered and shattered…even leaves some dead. Sad!

Lesson learnt from Kunle: As bad as he still remains, Kunle was that first guy who made me realize that there are men who truly and indeed are attracted to slim ladies. It gave me some sort of confidence in my life’s journey. Yeah! That’s true. I used to wonder who the hell on earth would like a lady as slim as me?

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Meet Bimbo (not real names).

Bimbo was more like a big brother when I met him. He was about seven years older than me. No, I lie. He was five years older than me. I was in predegree while he was already graduated but remained in school to do some personal stuff. Bimbo was a great guy, a super guy. One of those men who were just good and simple. He had a good sense of humor and was very intelligent. Bimbo knew answers to all of life’s problems and could confidently hold a conversation with anybody. We clicked instantly and we shared things deeply. He was also a very brilliant guy who loved God deeply. I liked that Bimbo took his time to understand me. He knew that I would hardly give my opinions in a social gathering thus he always encouraged me to speak out even though I may be thought to be stupid. He was that guy who would always protect me. He would ensure I am safe and never keep bad friends. He would always reach out for me and would always give his ears to listen. Bimbo knew that I may never talk until I am asked questions; hence he would go all out to ask me questions. That way, we became very close. He also taught me very tough modules. The calculative ones which my head never understood. Bimbo held that special place in my heart.

Months passed and we became really close to the extent that siblings knew him and they loved him. My parents too. He became a friend of the family and they called him the nickname I gave him.

About a year later, I started developing feelings for this ‘big brother’. I wrote every of my feelings for him in my journal and never spoke to anyone about it. My journal was my comfort zone where I shared without shame or judgement. He was everything I wanted in a man. He was the yardstick I used to judge other men. If others were not like Bimbo, then they were just not good enough. I think Bimbo knew I had feelings for him but we still became close. He would ask me to write poems for him which I did effortlessly. He, in turn would so same for me. He spoke my love language (words of affirmation) effortlessly. He would always put my best interest at heart. He was that special.

Soon Bimbo went for NYSC. I missed him so much because I no longer saw him in school but we maintained contacts and never was there a night we did not talk or jist (the days of extra cool). I missed him because he was no longer available to teach me the difficult modules. In my year one, I had a resit of one of my deadliest modules: phy 101 because Bimbo was no longer there to teach me. I remember crying to him over the phone about the module to him. Bimbo empathized with me but also told me that I would have to begin to live without him, grow up and face life’s challenges. In spite of this, we still remained close contacts. In one of those nights we talked and shared, Bimbo told me something. He told me he was caught in-between two ladies. One of them, whom he referred to as A, was a beautiful young lady who was attracted to him but he felt nothing for her. B, on the hand was a young lady, way younger than him. He was contemplating telling her about his feelings for her, but felt that it may ruin the friendship they had built over time. He asked me what I thought he should do. Knowing B was me and feeling too shy to express my feelings, I just told him to do never mentioned anything similar again until…

Anyway, because of my preconceived idea knowing that lady A existed somewhere, I felt extremely bad. Soon after, I started noticing a lady hitting on Bimbo. I thought her to be lady A. I wondered where she came from and when it started. I cried several nights knowing that Bimbo may never ask me out again because of lady A. Two incidents happened that made me think he was actually gone forever. He was serving in the north and had called me he was coming to see me in my school, it was a night journey. I waited with a friend till the wee hours of the morning until I slept off waiting. When he called the following morning, he told me he had gone to a lady’s house, B, since the public bus dropped him off just right in front of her house. Secondly, he took my friend and I out and while we were ordering for our food, he got a take-away pack for another lady, when I asked, he told me it was for her. Oh my! Jealousy was written all over my face. Bimbo would never ask you out again, just move on or face your studies.

To further deepen my pain, Bimbo got married in my year two. To say I saw downcasted was an understatement. I tore everything I had written in my journal about him and discontinued writing about him! I burned the journal and consciously put an end to the feelings I had for him. I remember I chose not to attend his wedding but I was pleaded to by his friends who were my friends too (all big brothers). I wished I was the lady he was getting married to. After the wedding that day, I realized that was the end. Bimbo was now married. There is no point waiting for him to come around. He is not one I know to cheat on his woman and even though he has feelings for me; he had made his choice and his choice wasn’t me. And so, I just moved on. I cut all contacts with him and concentrated on my studies.

Few years later, we reconnected back and did all the catching up. To say the truth, it was nice to hear from him and jist with him again. He had relocated from the north and lived in the south. I was also in a relationship. Along the line, I got curious and decided to ask him who those two ladies were. If I remember correctly, he never told me the names of those ladies. To my surprise, Bimbo told me that the woman he got married to was not lady B has I had initially thought. So who was lady B? He mentioned her name and I remembered her. True to his words, there was a lady who would always come around to check on him. I did not even give her any notice. Then the bombshell dropped, he told me lady B was me! I asked why he never got the courage to ask me out considering that I felt the same way. He responded that he was scared and did not want to loose the friendship we shared. He told me that for several years when we lost touch, he couldn’t get his mind of me. He would mention my names often to his wife and kept letters of me until he relocated and burned them. He said thoughts of me were affecting his marriage and his wife became jealous about it. But with his reassurance, everything became fine with her.

Anyway, at the end of the whole discussion, we both realized that God had blessed us with good partners.

Today: Bimbo is married with three kids and I maintain close relationship with his family including his wife. I met his wife for the second time some few years ago and she hugged me and teased me. She said my name gave her sleepless nights in her home. I apologized genuinely for that. He is a good man and she is blessed to have a man as him. They both make me believe that good marriages exist.

If I had gotten married to him: I tell my sisters that if I had gotten married to him, I would have gotten married before all of them been that he was always one who desired to settle down early (he got married in his mid-twenties), (My eldest sister would always give me that ‘you must be drunk’ look, lol!). Okay, well, maybe after my first degree. I am on the third and not married yet, Ahhhaha, you see life? I think it would have been a good marriage, nothing beyond the usually differences that couples face which I am certain we would be able to work through it together.

Lessons he taught me: He made me know that that there are still good men in existence. Men who are sexually pure. He got married as a virgin and he remains faithful to his wife of his youth. He does everything to make his marriage work. This myth “that there is only one man made for us on earth” was debunked through my interaction with Bimbo. Honestly with the way I loved him then, I never thought I could find another man whom I would love this much.

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 Finally, let’s meet Shola (Not real names)

I also met Shola in part One, I think. He was in part two. Shola became a friend instantly. I was attracted to him because he could paint and draw so well. Morally, asides that he did not see the need to attend any church, he was alright. Physically, he was not tall, but he was quite handsome and had this accent that always sounded so sweet in my ears. Shola asked for a relationship immediately we had established friendship. But, I did not just like the idea that he wasn’t into church. Asides that, he told me he did not believe in God. No! Dont get me wrong o. I am not a religious person myself but I do have a good relationship with Jesus Christ. His kind of person did not go down well with me and top of them all, I had no romantic feelings whatsoever for Shola.

The following year saw Shola asking me out intensely. This time he would call me so much that his calls became irritating. He would come to my room and I would intentionally not open the door for him. He would meet me up in the department and I would either shun him or embarrass him. I resorted to public embarrassments a few times because he would not leave me alone. “Don’t come to my apartment because I would not open the door for you and when you see me in public, don’t greet me, because I would not look at you!”, I barked. Shola would not listen, he would do all these and more. Once, he drew an art of me. I loved it but I could not accept it because  it would mean giving him ‘green light’. Anyway, I prayed about the intense pressure because I was not enjoying it. Somehow, God heard me and I heard from Shola no more.

Over the next two/three years after we reconnected back, Shola invited me for his graduation party . I gave my condition for a comeback-friendship as no more pestering), we reconnected and maintained casual friendships. I went with a friend because I did not trust him. At the party, immediately, I was introduced, there were lots of talks about how Shola was so interested in me but for some reason I would not budge. One of his female friends whom I remain close friends with till date said she had told him to stop bothering me because she knew from the onset that I was not just playing hard to get. She must have been a soothsayer, lol! They all asked me why I never gave their friend an answer and told me of how sick he was in the subsequent years after my harsh treatment towards him. I laughed it off, afterall 3 years was a long time to start bringing up such stale jist. I was in a relationship now.

Subsequent years saw Shola and I getting closer. There was nothing to this. He knew my bobo and he told me about himself. Shola would come visit me in my aunt’s when I was serving, (NYSC). He was a great company and I enjoyed hosting him. I used to wonder why I acted so harsh towards him. I think I did not just like the pressure I was put under. My no is always no. I am not one to play hard to get. If I am unsure of your intentions, I would rather tell you to give me some time. Finisho!

Anyway, Shola got into relationships with different ladies but he couldn’t sustain them because according to him, it was me he still loved. I told him to get over me because I still had no feelings for him and I was with my own man. Shola is a good guy.  At some point, he told me that he was really going to cut off friendship with me because he was constantly using me as a yardstick for his other relationships and he did not want that to ruin the chances of meeting his own woman. I understood and I let him be. However, sometime later, he reconnected back and told me he is now with a lady whom he loves deeply. I was happy for him because I truly desired to see him love another lady. This time, he had met Jesus and was now attending church. I loved that especially because that would be an asset for his Marriage. But shortly after, the lady misbehaved and he was back again single. I counselled him, telling him that he would meet another lady whom he would love again. This time, he was already in his thirties and told me he was facing intense pressure of settling down from his folks. He had a good job but did not seem to be lucky with ladies. Oh my! All my life, I had always thought that women were the ones bitten by the pressure bug.

One night while we were talking, Shola proposed to me. Hehehehhe, I had never been proposed to and I looked forward to that from the guy I was dating not from Shola. I told him that there was no way I would accept his proposal because I am with somebody I love deeply. He asked me who came earlier for my hand in a relationship, I told him he was the one (because he came when I was in part 2), my current bobo came in part three. I got to know that while I thought Shola was putting me under pressure,  he was only trying to make me feel loved. By putting me under pressure, you mean? Too bad! Unfortunately, that’s where some men go wrong. Unlike Bimbo who spoke my love language effortlessly, Shola was doing a good thing in a wrong way. Perhaps, I may have developed feelings for him should he have spoken my love language.

Anyway, been the gentle guy he is, Shola did not press me further. He understood and he told me he wished I was not hooked. Too bad, I said. I used to joke with his feelings a lot. We continued been friends and I counselled him when I could. I prayed deeply for him. I prayed that God will not just bring a good woman to him, but give him a woman whom he will love too much to forget me. God did. God answered. Shola told me about 6 months later that he has found this delectable woman at one of the training in his work place. They were getting married before the end of that year! To say I was happy was an understatement. The way his eyes were lit when he told me he had proposed, I knew that God had answered my prayers.

Today: Shola and I still remain close friends. I maintain casual friendships with his wife. Conversations with him remains casual. He is given birth to a set of twin girls whom he adores so much. I still tease him a lot when he would tell me ‘Omoby, I just want to get married! I am not getting young o! I want to get married! Ahahahahahaha’. He thanks me for always telling him that he would meet another woman whom he loves. The way he loves her ehn, you would never believe he had any iota of feeling for me o.

If I had gotten married to him: Shola would be everything a good man would be. He would treat me right. He would love me deeply, BUT, I would never grow to love him. He would do everything for me to earn his love. Eventually, because he is a human being also deserving of love from his woman, he would get fed-up, either become depressed or seek love elsewhere. I love him too much as a friend to do that to him.

Lesson I learnt from Shola: Should you discover that you don’t love a man enough to start a romantic relationship with him, it is not a crime to let him go. You would be giving him the opportunity to meet another lady who would love him as much and giving yourself the chance to meet a man whom you would love too. Marriage is such a big deal you dont want to second guess with your own happiness o. Okay, let’s say this was a lesson Shola told me I taught him. For me, I would say, know what you want. Dont settle for a man whom you KNOW you have no feelings for in the hope that you would love him later.

THE END.

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